Enquiring minds want to know…

Okay, so I used the tagline from one of the worst tabloid rags of my generation. Sue me.

I seem to always be asking questions. Whether this is a blessing or a curse, a good thing or bad thing depends on who you ask.  I’ve managed to infuriate many a professor or preacher without really meaning to. Anyway, I’m bored and I have a blog and you don’t, so you are going to listen to everything I have to say. Here goes:

-I wonder if cats can be trained to do household chores. Slater likes to ‘knead’ so much, I wonder if he can be trained to do that on our backs on command.  Maybe then he’ll actually earn his keep.  Yeah, right, and I’m a supermodel.

-I wonder if I’m ever going to get my hip fixed, or if I should even try right now. I’ll just have to get the replacement replaced in about 20 years anyway, but that actually isn’t a huge problem.  In a sense I really want to but I don’t know if it’s ever going to be a ‘good time’ with money and all that.  So I’m afraid to get my hopes up and then have them dashed again.  One reason I want it is because I can’t have kids until I do, but to be honest I wonder if that’s even a consideration.  I’m not going to explain one of the other reasons…let’s just say I lost a lot of the motion in the left hip, and leave it at that.

-I wonder if I’m ever going to get this song out of my head:

-On the tip of #2 , I wonder if the fact that I am 32 and my ‘biological clock’ isn’t ticking at a deafening volume like those of my friends is God’s way of preparing me for not having kids, or telling me that it’s not the best idea.  I’m probably overthinking, but I’m concerned about the bipolar causing problems. It’s not so much about passing it on, although that is a very distinct possibility, especially since it’s on my husband’s side of the family too. No, it’s more about not being able to get through the pregnancy without meds or possibly not being a good parent because I’m too busy throwing things at my reflection in the mirror because my husband and I can’t afford our meds and stuff for the kid too.  Most of the time I don’t really ‘act mental’…in fact, my brother-in-law says he’d never have guessed that I even *have* bipolar, I seem so even-headed. *laugh* If he only knew…:)  Seriously, it doesn’t usually run my life but I can’t plan on that, especially during a pregnancy. We talk about adoption, but I’m not sure that would be much better, or if the state would even *let* me adopt. We shall see.

-I wonder what I’d look like with a shaved head.

-I wonder what I did to deserve such a good husband, or what he did to deserve being saddled to me for life.

-I wonder if I’m ever going to get past this obsession I have with being clean and thinking I have body odor when my husband, friends, mother, and even doctors have been telling me I don’t. Oh well, there are worse things to be obsessed with than bathing, like Italian sausages and celebrity plastic surgery. 

-I’m still trying to figure out why I should care about things like which actor’s dating who or what perfume the president’s wife’s former roommate is wearing.  This is an exaggeration, but not much of one. I guess I should be happy that things are boring enough to where this stuff is all the news networks have to run, but all this reality-tv, celebutaunt stuff is making me wish for better days…like the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky scandal.  At least one person involved in that was intelligent, if only for knowing not to inhale.

-I wonder if I am ever going to work full-time again, or bring in a regular income that isn’t from the government.

-I wonder if it’s possible to walk a cat on a leash.

-I wonder what my husband would look like in a tutu.

-I wonder what people from high school and college think about how I turned out, or if I should care.

-I wonder if there’s any correlation in the facts that I have a long line of overweight alcoholics in my family and that we share our name with popular brands of Scotch and shortbread cookies.

-I wonder if I will ever get to where I don’t feel like I have to fill the silence with random stupid crap.

-I wonder if I’ll be alive to see which Nostradamus predictions and Armageddon/End-Times scenarios turn out to be true.

-I’m sure I have some sort of purpose on this planet, but I wonder if I’ll ever figure out what it is.

And, the most important question of all-

-I wonder if I’ll ever figure out that a person with hypoglycemia should take a break to eat before getting involved in a project so that she doesn’t have to suck down yogurt and sweet tea at midnight so she doesn’t feel like the room is spinning.  If you notice me getting bitchier as this post goes on, that’s why. Yeah, that’s my story, I’m sticking to it.

And on that note…

I’d welcome any answers you have, or further questions…even flame mail would do.  I’m still sober, I can take it.

And now I am going to shut up for a moment and line the catbox with the previously-mentioned tabloid.  I’m not sure what smells worse, the trash in the box or the trash on the pages.  Maybe by this time next year I’ll have figured it out. Later!

Oh, and, Happy New Year.

Lessons learned in 2009

I know we still have a week or so left in the year, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be coherent enough to see straight by then.  Here are a few of the lessons this past year has taught me.

-I am not now, and should never be, defined by my job.  I felt like I lost a part of myself in this past year or so when I had to stop trying to work, simply because I have done it for so long that I didn’t know a whole lot else.  There are a lot more details about the ‘progression’ in this and this post. It was, however, the best thing I could have done for myself.  I’m wondering now whether the series of disappointments I mention in the links above were God’s way of showing me what was really important in life, or preparing me for something else? That is something my friend M suggested, and very well might be true. It’s not the first time I’ve heard/thought of this, but it usually takes me a couple of times to get things through my thick skull!.  He works in strange ways, ways I often don’t understand or like at the time but that turn out to be just what I need. I am the worst person in the world about submitting and/or trusting Him sometimes and not trying to do everything myself. I’ve had a lot of trouble with my faith in the past few years, which gives this realization even more weight. This might sound offensive to some, but I wonder if parts of my life thus far have been sort of a ‘man born blind’ story-where I am made weak so that the glory and power of God can be shown through me? If so, bring it on!

Okay, I’ll stop preaching now. I just have to keep reminding myself that there is a reason for everything.

And somebody pass me my raincoat…:)

-Related to the above, this past year has reminded me of how important friends and family are, and how they matter a lot more than how much money you make.   I now remember why I decided not to go to law school after college-I didn’t want to be killing myself at an office 80 hours a week trying to pay off student loans, and not have time for a life.  It’s just not worth it.

-Monty Python and the Holy Grail has to be one of the funniest movies ever made. I’d seen it before, but because of my insanely silly husband, I’ve gained a new appreciation for Monty Python. It’s educational too. If not for that movie, I might not have ever learned the truth about rabbits:

-I could easily be dead right now if not for the hand of God.  All accounts of my accident given to me by my doctors, family, and even the insurance adjusters tell me that it’s a miracle that I survived, much less can walk and take care of the house.

For those who have not heard the story, I was hit when pulling out of my subdivision on the way to a new job. I was hit T-bone style (perpendicularly) on the driver’s side by a Dodge Ram. In case you haven’t seen one of these trucks,  they are quite massive and one of the toughest, heaviest pickup trucks out there.  My Saturn was turned from a four-door sedan into a crumpled pile of metal within about a few minutes. Here are some examples of the two makes of car:

2000 Saturn...this isn't mine, just an example

Dodge Ram-this is actually one of the *smaller* ones

I got out of it with a punctured lung and a broken pelvis,  and that’s just what I’ve been told about. I spent a month in the hospital, half of it restrained and sedated to keep me from waking up and ripping out all of my tubes…I’m told I did this quite often! I had extensive physical and occupational therapy, essentially learning to walk again.  On the up side, at least some of the therapists were hot. Don’t ask me how it all happened because I don’t remember…I don’t remember a single thing about the wreck itself, or the first two weeks in the hospital.  I haven’t even seen a picture, and I’m not sure I want to.

I’ve told this story in my head and to other people about a million times, and each time I do I remember how it could have turned out. I have to keep reminding myself of this when I start feeling sorry for myself for the things I cannot do.

-I now know even more uses for the ‘F’ word than before.  You tend to rack things like that up when you work in restaurants.  I think I’m up to 20 now.  

-Some people can be real idiots. No, I didn’t just learn this now, but I’ve gotten plenty of reminders.

-It’s okay to ask for help, and you are not less of a person for needing it.  People who would make you feel as though you are are usually completely clueless and deserve to be ignored.  They can be useful, though, if only to remind you of the point above this one.

-I love taking pictures.  I don’t, however, love being in pictures.  I am not photogenic at all, and the fact that my siblings are and that my brother used to model doesn’t help.

-There are a lot-and I do mean a lot-of things I didn’t know about my family that I could have used growing up.  I understand that I was pretty young during one particularly interesting period, but knowing some of the things when I was ten that I overheard by eavesdropping two months ago could have saved me a lot of time, anxiety and money for the therapist.  Well, maybe I would have still needed the therapist, but it would have at least given me more of a head start! I understand why I wasn’t told many of these things at the time and that some things aren’t what you want other people knowing, even in the family.   I was just a kid, I can see why someone wouldn’t want a kid to know a lot of things.  It was just really, really weird hearing my dad talk about things that defined my and my sister’s childhoods as openly and casually as he would talk about yesterday’s newspaper.

-Don’t look down those in need, or others who are referred to by Jesus as ‘the least of these’.  Most, if not all, of us are going to be ‘the least of these’ at some point in our lives.  Some of us already have been.

-Some people can be real idiots.  Sorry, did I mention that before?

-Cats make good alarm clocks. Ditto vacuum cleaners and hot water bottles.

-I am probably the most self-absorbed person I know. At least, that’s how it feels sometimes.  However, I think that is part and parcel when the depression hits. It’s hard to see a whole lot else when you are trapped behind a black curtain with only your own mind for comfort.  Oh, and, I’m overdramatic too.

-There is something wonderfully comforting about making a Chef Boyardee pizza kit and chocolate chip cookies from the freezer section.

I’m sure these aren’t the only things I learned this year, but they are the ones I can think of at the moment. Hopefully in the coming year I will continue to learn, and perhaps have more interesting things to say than my usual drivel.

Oh, and, if you want to argue with anything here, that’s in room 12a.

Related articles by Zemanta

• 135 reviews of Monty Python and the Holy Grail (rateitall.com)

Some of my favorite quotes

I’m a bit bored today and can’t think of anything else to write, so I thought I would share some of my favorite quotes.

“I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a shit. What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.”  – Tony Campolo…author, speaker, activist and Baptist pastor

“You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image, when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” – Ann Lamott

“I once shot a man just to watch him die. Then I got distracted and missed it.” – Kids in the Hall

“There’s probably no One True Church.  Now stop worrying and enjoy serving God.”- My friend Veronica Zundel, in response to an advertisement for atheism

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller

“Dear enemy-may the Lord hate you and all your kind, may you be turned orange in hue, and may your head fall off at an awkward moment.” – Edmund, BlackAdder

“Preach the gospel, always. If necessary, use words.” – St. Francis

“They could build monuments to your self-centeredness.”  -’Wilson’, House

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, and walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” – Brennan Manning

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  – Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“You are the son of a clerk, I am the son of a count. I’m not supposed to want to be you.” – The Count of Monte Christo

“What the world needs now is another folk singer, like I need a hole in my head.” – Cracker

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.   On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” – Romans 12:17-21

“Go sell crazy someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.” -  As Good As It Gets

“And we know that God causes everything to come together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”  – Romans 8:28

“In the essentials, unity; in the non-essentials, liberty; in all things, love.” – St. Augustine

“Every time I come to this city, some guy picks me up at the bus station, takes me to a Leafs game, gets me pissed, and then tries to blow me. Why can’t people like me for me?” – Kids in the Hall

“People who speak in metaphor should shampoo my crotch.” -  As Good As It Gets

“Get busy living, or get busy dying’. – The Shawshank Redemption

 

25 Random Things About Me

You can blame my friend Ross for this one…I got the idea from one of his blog posts!

Here goes:

25 Random things about me.

1. I’m used to people getting my name wrong. Sharon, Shawna, Shane, Sheena…all things I have been called, but none are my name. I’ve even had people see the name before meeting me (profs, etc) and think I was a man! No, I’m not going to tell you my name…
2. I’ve never seen the movie Deliverance. I constantly hear people referencing it in conversation (mostly when talking about freaky Southern redneck people or weird Christians), but I still haven’t seen the movie.
3. I once wrote a rap song for a guy. Seriously. I can still recite part of it from memory. And no, I can’t rap my way out of a plastic bag; that was intentional and part of the fun.
4. The guy I wrote the aforementioned rap song for is now my stepbrother. I guess it’s a good thing I never performed it and nothing really happened between us, huh?
5. I’m 32. I still get carded, though.
6. I have kind of a geek-crush on Seth MacFarlane. Stop laughing.
7. I have bipolar disorder. Looking back I think I had traces of it from the time I was eleven, but I did not get treatment for anything until I was 18, and that was for unipolar depression. I was diagnosed the first time with bipolar in 2000, but only began treatment after a second diagnosis in 2004. I will outline the (incredibly stupid) reason for this a little later.
8. I met my husband at a wedding, and the couple who got married also met at a wedding.
9. I once had purple hair. Seriously. Okay, it was burgundy. That’s still purple!
10. I have no kids, but five cats who think they are kids. Does that count?
11. I can remember stupid, random crap like a conversation I had with my brother when I was 14 or a rap song I wrote for a guy when I was 16, but I can’t remember someone’s name I met ten minutes earlier. I guess I’m getting old.
12. I can’t stand Star Wars. Well, maybe that’s too strong a statement…there’s just something about having something pushed on you that makes you want to push it back!
13. My oldest nephew’s first word was ‘butthead’. Seriously.
14. One of my cats has allergies. I didn’t even know cats could have that. But then, sometimes she acts like she is from another planet, and so this kind of weird stuff shouldn’t surprise me.
15. I hate beer.
16. Slater, get off the counter. Don’t give me any of that ‘meow’ stuff. Just do it!
17. My butt itches.
18. I’ve never been drunk. Yes, really. My sisters tried to get me drunk once when we were in Key West on a cruise, but it didn’t work. I drank them both under the table and then had to help *them* back to the boat! My dad still likes telling that story.
19. I didn’t originally get treatment for bipolar because I was dating a guy whose family believed that all you had to do to be healed from whatever illness you have by having enough faith and ‘believing right’ for it. I wouldn’t normally give this the time of day, but at that point I was ready to try anything. Short version, I tried it their way for a while and thought it worked, but it didn’t, and I got grief for going back on meds. How lovely (heavy sarcasm). Because of that, ‘name it, claim it’ and anything related gives a bad taste in my mouth. Anytime I hear that stuff, I want to throw something wet and squishy at whoever or whatever is saying it. I’m just lucky I haven’t gotten arrested yet.
20. I will get a song in my head and it will stay in my head until I hear something else to replace it. Right now I have the song from one of the ‘Free Credit Report.com’ commercials floating around. AAAARRGGH! Quick, somebody sing something else!
21. I feel like I used to be much sharper and more intelligent before all the bipolar stuff set on. I say ‘before the bipolar’ because I’ve looked back and seen that I wasn’t that way until then. I have a hard time paying attention and thus learning things, and so it makes me feel and look like a total idiot. I have gotten fired from more than one job because of this.
22. I once got bitten by a dog and hit by a car in the same month. Really. I still have the scars. The nurse who cleaned me up before going to the ER after being hit was the same one who had given me one of my rabies shots a few hours before! I wasn’t allowed to leave my dorm room for the next two days without ‘supervision’ as a result.
23. I used to be so shy I could barely talk to people. It’s funny how no one I meet now ever believes me when I say this.
24. I have an ex I wish I could forget. But then, don’t we all?
25. I hated Kill Bill, Vol. 1. I never saw Vol. 2.

Okay, that’s about enough of that. I’d better go get something to eat before I pass out. Later on!

Oh, and, brain bleach is available in the front lobby for anyone who needs it.

Things That Make Me Think of God

I think most Christians (and other theists) God if they saw things like a cross, the Magen David, an icon of the Virgin Mary, etc. I do too, but I also think of God when I see various ordinary things in the world. There’s so much wonder, so much beauty, so much intricate detail that there *has* to be a creator. Here are some of those things:

-The leaves turning in the fall

-A clear night sky

-The reflection of a full moon on the ocean at low tide

-The reflection of a sunrise or sunset on the ocean at low tide

-The way the Oak Island bridge back home (NC) arches so that you can see the tops of the clouds driving over it in the morning

-The smell of gardenias or honeysuckles in the air

-The way the sky looks like it has been ‘painted’ at sunrise or sunset

-The way each of my brown tabby’s hairs has the colors that make up her patterns, as though God painted her. Also, the way she seems to know she’s beautiful.

-The way my husband looks at me

-The smell of the air right after a rain or the grass has been cut

-The fact that I’m alive and walking after breaking my pelvis in a car wreck

-Random acts of kindness and love in people

-My cat Slater’s beautiful green eyes

-The love and friendship my parents had for each other before my mother died

-The fact that my mother is no longer suffering and that I had the privilege of being her child

-The fact that my father got to talk to my brothers after having them taken away for 20+ years

-Any time I see a couple who have been married 40+ years and they still like each other

-The way my orange tabby Daniel Tiger sometimes has one black whisker and the others are white

-The patterns of a tortie cat and how no two have the same pattern

How about you?