Civility a lost art?

Website Editors Aspire to Rein In Nasty Comments

Well, somebody had to say it.

For the past seven years or so, I’ve been a volunteer moderator on a site called Beliefnet. Generally I like the job, but I’ve noticed this same thing lately too. I thought it was just the fact that the boards I work with are about religion (debating Christianity and Judaism), and thus are naturally going to be more ‘highly charged’, although some things I’ve seen are just ridiculous. If I see one more person come on and say they know more than anyone else about God/Jesus/whatever and that everyone else is going to hell (outright or implied), I’m going to scream. I’m sure you probably expected me to say that I was going to shoot myself, but I won’t say that because I fear I’ll see it the moment I click over to the sites and then I’ll have to make good on it. Um, no.

Like I said, mostly I like my job, and Beliefnet isn’t the only forum I’ve used. However, I’ve seen the quality or civility of discussion about certain things take a nosedive in recent months. It seems that anything regarding President Obama-for or against, mostly against-should be marked with a ‘hazardous’ sign because it’s only a matter of posts before someone starts fussing about him and his healthcare reform ideas, regardless of what the discussion started off about. I’ll be honest, I voted for him and am hopeful, but even if I weren’t, there’s no excuse for calling people names if they simply disagree with you. The same goes for subjects like the Iraq War and Islam (to a degree). I think a big part of it is the fact that you’re typing to a computer screen and thus can sort of ‘hide behind’ it…anonymity makes a lot of people much more brave and willing to say insulting things online than they would to someone’s face. I’ll admit I’m guilty too. Also, some subjects like religion are things a lot of people don’t talk about except on those boards and thus you’ll see a side of them you wouldn’t otherwise see. I’ve spoken with and met some people ‘in person’ that I’ve known from various forums and, while I try to be roughly the same person in both situations, there are always going to be some who are completely different in person than online.

Of course, some topics are more volatile than others. On Beliefnet, we have had to relegate all discussions of abortion and homosexuality-religiously based or not-to specific boards set aside for it. I’ve had people complain about this, particularly the latter, sometimes seeming like they expect me to make exceptions. I’m not going to, because I think I’m partly responsible for the policy being made to begin with. I say this because I am a moderator of a Christian debate board (Christians debating each other) and, when discussion of homosexuality was allowed on religious debate boards, the subject would completely dominate the board. It was usually the same two or three posters, but sometimes the conflict spread from thread to thread in a completely off-topic, disruptive fashion.. One thing Beliefnet specifically rules against are ‘ad hominem attacks’-personal attacks against other members. I get that it’s a highly charged subject, especially in the previous administration with a more conservative president, and especially in some parts of this country. There was some pretty hateful stuff posted, enough for me to have trouble keeping up with it, but it was hard to get another moderator to come and put their hands into the mess. This came from both sides of the debate. It ended up turning away members who enjoyed discussing issues related to Christianity in a civil manner because who would want to be around stuff like that? If I weren’t the moderator and weren’t there to try to make things better, I wouldn’t. We ended up suspending the worst offenders but over time it was determined that the subject could not be discussed on our boards without having an overall negative effect on the community. I would say I constantly lobbied my supervisors for the change, but the truth is, I didn’t have to because others had done that for me. At first there was only debate board for sexual orientation, but the need came for several other, faith-specific boards to be created to keep up with the ‘demand’. I found the whole thing rather sad because a lot of the posters were people who had other things in common and would probably have been able to be friendly if not for the arguments about that one particular subject.

There are some forums I used to frequent but that I don’t anymore because some people seem to be rude just for the sake of being rude. I don’t understand people like that. I figure, life is full of enough stress and bitterness, why add to it? But then, I think some people are just miserable and want to spread it around. That seems to be the case with some of the most nasty posters I’ve come across.

This has been said so many times it’s ridiculous, but ‘where is the love??” Whatever happened to being civil to people, even if you disagree? Whatever happened to agreeing to disagree? Like I said, I understand some subjects are very highly-charged, but the principle your mom taught you about dealing with the school bully could probably be put to work here too…just ignore it and walk away. The scroll button is our friend. Although I’ll admit I’m guilty of letting some jerk ‘have it’ on occasion, it’s not something I enjoy doing. Sometimes we all need to just turn off the computer and watch some Mystery Science Theater 3000 to calm down.

Speaking of which….see you later!

Satan’s response

As you might have heard, Pat Robertson made a comment about the earthquake in Haiti happening because they ‘made a deal with the Devil’.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/01/13/haiti.pat.robertson/index.html

Video:

In case anyone cares, Robertson is a televangelist who hosts a show called ‘the 700 Club’ .  The show is on Trinity Broadcasting Network, a Christian television network that seems to me to cater exclusively to the fundamentalist/evangelical set…if you’ve never heard of either, you’re not missing anything.  My ex watched that all the time, and even though we broke up in 2003, my eyes are still rolling and my esophagus is still recovering from the excessive vomiting. I’m not saying all f/e-s are like Robertson, but he’s been doing this show for so long that a case can be made that he is losing whatever mind he’s ever had.  But I digress. I’m sure he’s done some good, somewhere…I like to think we all have capacity for good, anyway…I’m trying to see all people as children of God just like me, but sometimes it’s pretty hard…

Either way, I found this ‘response’ from Satan that I just *had* to share:

Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

Here’s the link to the blog I found it in:

http://spritzophrenia.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/satan-replies/

Well, I thought it was funny, anyway.

Liberty and justice for all? He doesn’t think so…

I saw this on tv this morning and just wanted to share it:

10-Year-old won’t pledge allegiance to a country that discriminates against gays

I found it encouraging to see that an elementary-school student cares enough about the way this country is run and how people are treated to take a stand like this…or, more accurately, a seat. When I was ten, I was more concerned about my crush-du-jour and collecting all of the My Little Pony dolls. Now here’s a kid picking through the lines of a pledge a lot of us said by rote and actually *thinking* about what it says. If you remember your childhood, ten is an age where a lot of us are very concerned with what others think of us and would be too mortified to do something that attracted that much unpopular attention, especially in a conservative state. He is taking the time to be concerned with how other people are treated in a fight he doesn’t have a dog in, something I could certainly learn from. Hats off.

A bit of a rant, however annoying…

I don’t normally go off like this (despite the tag called ‘rants’ ), but I just saw this:

Bachman’s Capitol Tea Party

The most disturbing part was this*:

Sign comparing health care reform to the Holocaust

*Warning: disturbing and frightening image.

OMFG, I can’t believe this. I saw it on The Daily Show and hoped it was a joke, as you’d expect from Comedy Central. Bad taste, maybe, but but still a leg-pull. I looked it up online, but found that it was real. Meaning, someone actually had the audacity to carry this sign in a crowd where people affected by the monstrous deeds depicted and other-well, humans-would see it. What is worse is that it was only one of many dehumanizing and disgustingly offensive signs handed out by right-wing organizations Americans for Prosperity and FreedomWorks in protest to the health care reform bill passed this past weekend. What’s even worse than that was that this ‘tea party’ was organized by a member of Congress and endorsed by Fox News. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at the latter, but I would hope that even they wouldn’t stoop that low. Guess I was wrong.

Other articles about the larger issue:
Is the Tea Party Gang Turning GOP Into a Party of Hate?

Igor Panarin’s Doomsday Tea Party

The Tea Party’s Takeover of the GOP

I admit that I don’t know a whole lot about politics, and I’m aware most of my sources aren’t completely unbiased. I don’t think a person has to know a lot about politics to be disgusted by having a bill passed that might help people compared to one of the worst events in human history. There were other offensive statements and signs shown, but this one hit a sore spot for me. The Holocaust and related things can be very triggering for me. I can’t think of many things that can even compare to that level of cruelty, and so likening it to things such as an unpopular bill or a politician who hasn’t shown any signs of being even close to that level of evil upsets me. I hate to think how it must have looked to someone who had relatives in the camps or who had been in them themselves.

This ‘tea party’ was organized by Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) and attended by several other representatives…from the Chattahbox article:

“Shortly after noon, Bachmann led a contingent of GOP right-wingers, including Virginia Foxx (R-NC), Rep Steve King (R-IA), Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) and House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH), to greet the teabaggers waving their health care reform is like the Holocaust signs.”

On behalf of myself and others in my home state of North Carolina, I would like to apologize for our representative’s involvement.

I know this seems like small potatoes, but I saw it as yet another example of how shrill the right-wing scream machine has gotten. I’m not going to pretend that my fellow moderates and liberals are perfect, certainly not. However, the less I hear about the childish behavior of Republicans, the less I like them. I know this is wrong because these are only the louder ones and there are many reasonable and compassionate Republicans out there. I am married to one, and related to several others. Many of my friends lean to the right, and I’m not really all that partisan…usually. I agree with some things and am relatively live-and-let-live on others. However, sensationalism and hyperbole bother me. That’s why I don’t watch Jerry Springer; well, that, and I have no desire to see women get their tops ripped off in a fight.

Say what you want about health care reform or Obama, but whatever happened to intelligent, reasonable debate and courtesy? I guess we don’t see that much because it is the sensationalism we are interested in and/or remember. Maybe I’m just imagining things, maybe nice guys really do finish last. I’ll admit to paying more attention to the shouters, so maybe that says something about me too…people don’t perform unless there is an audience. I don’t know a lot about the systems of politics and lawmaking, but I do know one thing: if I see a person or group go to ridiculous and offensive lengths to make their point, I’m not likely to listen to anything they have to say. I’m not alone in this. It’s essentially the same thing our parents used to do when we threw fits in the grocery store; ignored us so that we would stop bawling to get their attention.

Now that I got that out, back to your regularly scheduled program. Feel free to flame me, I’m used to it.

A New Ten Commandments for a New Generation

Not that there is anything wrong with the original ‘list’, mind you. Those will always be relevant. However, some of my recent observations in my life as a Christian have led me to come up with a few that should be added to the list. Or, at least, paid attention to.

1. Give others the same respect and consideration you would want yourself. It’s really sad that I have to say this, seeing as pretty much *every* religion and philosophy that has ever existed has taught some form of this. However, it has apparently fallen by the wayside, in favor of ‘instilling moral order.’ Yes, I’m looking at you, Religious Right. Somehow I don’t think you would appreciate it if someone came in and tried to make your kids pray to Vishnu in their public schools, and yet you bitch and moan at the very *idea* that you aren’t given preferential treatment.  And, yes, it is preferential.   I’m sorry you feel ‘oppressed’  because you are being told ‘Happy Holidays’ in PetSmart rather than ‘Merry Christmas’ and see it as a ‘war’, but really, don’t you have better things to do? Like ‘feeding His sheep’ or tending to ‘the least of these’? I know many of you already do this, and I commend you for it. I don’t mean to lump you all in with the more negative people; it’s just that the negative ones get the most attention because they make the biggest fuss. The squeaky wheel, and all that.

In my view, there is a difference between a ‘fundamentalist’ and a ‘fundie’.  The former simply keeps to the fundamentals of the Bible and the Christian faith;  the latter does this while beating everyone else over the head.   I’ve known them both, and I’ve still got the bruises.  Both think they are behaving in a manner pleasing to God; the problem is that the latter seems to think that they are the only ones God is pleased with, or even paying attention to.  How this view is supported by general life, I don’t know.  Maybe this will be answered on the next episode of <insert cheesy soap opera title here>.

Also, I know you’re upset that you can’t put up Nativity scenes or monuments to the Ten Commandments out on the public square.  And you know what? I can see your point.  We all want a way to express our beliefs and what is important to us.  The problem is that many of you would have a severe problem if someone wanted to put a menorah in the same place.  Well, maybe not, since you seem to have at least a modicum of respect for Jews, but my six-foot marble statue of Buddha* would be out of the question.  The point is that you aren’t the only game in town worth watching anymore. Sorry, you’re going to have to share the field for a while. I’m sure you’ll manage.

And contrary to popular belief, prayer is still allowed in public schools. The only restrictions are that a) it can’t disrupt class time and b) cannot be led by a teacher or administrator.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Again, see the earlier Vishnu example.  And you know what? It’s not just you. Every religion is subject to the same rules.  A Muslim kid who wanted to lay out his prayer mat during the middle of Math class for one of the five daily prayer times would be told not to as well.

2. Unless someone is being hurt, thou shalt not unnecessarily push your views on other people. Don’t want your kids to learn evolution in science class?  Some schools have now made allowances for a student to be given alternate assignments if there is something in the curriculum they do not want their children to be taught. When I was in school, long ago (well, not that long ago, I’m not that old), parents would be notified by teachers when the ‘sex ed’ unit was taught in science class.  Parents would either sign a permission slip for their child to take the class, or ask for their child to be excused and given an alternate assignment. The same thing was done during the ‘dissection’ units in biology class. Seek these options, and use them.  If they are not available, that doesn’t mean that your child is going to be ‘ruined’ for life.  Reinforce the word ‘theory’.  Teach them alternate views, and give them the tools to think and sort fact from fiction.  Besides, is it *really* that big of a deal?  There are so many other things to be concerned with, such as the recent onslaught of insipid reality shows.  Okay, I’m somewhat kidding (note the word ‘somewhat’…), but you get the point. Pick your battles. Save your energy for the things that *really* matter, like loving your neighbor.

Above all, clean your own house first.  If someone’s marriage is threatened by Adam and Steve down the road getting married, they have much bigger problems.

3.  Related to the above, continue to teach your children what is right and what is wrong, but respect other parents’ rights to do the same. If you don’t like the witchcraft in Harry Potter books then, by all means, tell your children not to read them. Don’t, however, make a big stink about those books being available in the school library and/or attempt to get them banned in general.  No one is *making* your child read those books, so there is no reason to be threatened because they are available to other children who do not share your apprehension.

On another tip, I consider myself pro-choice. While I think abortion is repulsive and probably couldn’t live with myself if I had one, I feel the option should be available and safe for those who do not share my view.  I have every intention of teaching my values to my children, but I understand other parents who disagree will do the same. That, and there are some situations where we never know what we will do until we are in them.  My parents taught me growing up that I am going to have some ideas as to what is right and what is wrong that others might not agree with, and that I should be prepared for this.  I tend to be quite open about things in my life because I am pretty open-minded and accepting of differences, and I assume others will be the same.  Even in my 30s, I am still trying to learn this.  I am mentioning this to say that I understand how difficult it can be at times to remember that not everyone is going to think as we do, and that sometimes we will have to adjust our behavior accordingly. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to adjust our *beliefs*, although that will often happen.  What it *does* mean is that these differences are here to stay and that we would do much better to represent our side…and keep our blood pressure low…if we could at least try to listen to each other and agree to disagree.  Just because someone thinks differently does not necessarily make them a threat.  Have compassion in dealing with others, which doesn’t always feel natural but puts a much better face on you and  your cause than throwing darts-verbal or otherwise-at people.

You know what? Perhaps I should stop here, because pretty much anything I have said and anything else I will say goes right back to #1. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you…such a simple thing to recite, but such a difficult thing to live out.  *Sigh* …yes, very difficult.  I am definitely guilty of this, probably one of the worst offenders I know.  In that spirit, I will end with an apology to anyone I have called out here, because we are more alike than we might realize. God bless.

*No, I don’t really have a six-foot marble statue of Buddha. It’s actually seven feet tall, and made out of bubblegum wrappers. My nephew made it in art class last year.