Listen to this while reading the lyrics, don’t bother watching the video but you *must* hear the song:
12 Pains of Christmas
Monthly Archives: December 2009
Listen to this while reading the lyrics, don’t bother watching the video but you *must* hear the song:
I know we don’t all believe the same things about, well, anything, but I was going through the Daily Office this morning, and this prayer was featured. It’s one of my favorites. It’s attributed to St. Francis-
Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.
This and other prayers like it can be found on the Daily Office.
I am nowhere near as disciplined about praying or anything else as I probably should be or as some people I know, but sometimes I just feel the need.
Throwback Thursday-this was originally posted in 2009, but I’ve added a few pictures and made other updates.
I know we still have a week or so left in the year, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be coherent enough to see straight by then. Here are a few of the lessons this past year has taught me.
-I am not now, and should never be, defined by my job. I felt like I lost a part of myself in this past year or so when I had to stop trying to work, simply because I have done it for so long that I didn’t know a whole lot else. There are a lot more details about the ‘progression’ in this and this post. It was, however, the best thing I could have done for myself. I’m wondering now whether the series of disappointments I mention in the links above were God’s way of showing me what was really important in life, or preparing me for something else? That is something my friend M suggested, and very well might be true. It’s not the first time I’ve heard/thought of this, but it usually takes me a couple of times to get things through my thick skull!. He works in strange ways, ways I often don’t understand or like at the time but that turn out to be just what I need. I am the worst person in the world about submitting and/or trusting Him sometimes and not trying to do everything myself. I’ve had a lot of trouble with my faith in the past few years, which gives this realization even more weight. This might sound offensive to some, but I wonder if parts of my life thus far have been sort of a ‘man born blind’ story-where I am made weak so that the glory and power of God can be shown through me? If so, bring it on!
Okay, I’ll stop preaching now. I just have to keep reminding myself that there is a reason for everything.
And somebody pass me my raincoat…:)
-Related to the above, this past year has reminded me of how important friends and family are, and how they matter a lot more than how much money you make. I now remember why I decided not to go to law school after college-I didn’t want to be killing myself at an office 80 hours a week trying to pay off student loans, and not have time for a life. It’s just not worth it.
–Monty Python and the Holy Grail has to be one of the funniest movies ever made. I’d seen it before, but because of my insanely silly husband, I’ve gained a new appreciation for Monty Python. It’s educational too. If not for that movie, I might not have ever learned the truth about rabbits:
-I could easily be dead right now if not for the hand of God. All accounts of my accident given to me by my doctors, family, and even the insurance adjusters tell me that it’s a miracle that I survived, much less can walk and take care of the house.
For those who have not heard the story, I was hit when pulling out of my subdivision on the way to a new job. I was hit T-bone style (perpendicularly) on the driver’s side by a Ford F150. In case you haven’t seen one of these trucks, they are quite massive and one of the toughest, heaviest pickup trucks out there. My Saturn was turned from a four-door sedan into a crumpled pile of metal within about a few minutes. Here’s the writeup with pictures:
(Please pardon the unevenness of the pictures. WordPress hates me today.)
I got out of it with a punctured lung and a broken pelvis, and that’s just what I’ve been told about. I spent a month in the hospital, half of it restrained and sedated to keep me from waking up and ripping out all of my tubes…I’m told I did this quite often! I had extensive physical and occupational therapy, essentially learning to walk again. On the up side, at least some of the therapists were cute. 🙂 Don’t ask me how it all happened because I don’t remember…I don’t remember a single thing about the wreck itself, nor the first two weeks in the hospital. The only pictures I’ve seen are from the newspaper, and those are just of the cars; I’ve never seen one of me. Truth be told, I’m not sure I want to.
My friends tell me that my memory (or lack thereof) was God’s way of protecting me from further trauma. Given the nightmares others like me have had, I believe it.
I’ve told this story in my head and to other people about a million times, and each time I do I remember how it could have turned out. I was hit by a truck that can tow a hippopotamus, for God’s sake. I have to keep reminding myself of this when I start feeling sorry for myself for the things I cannot do.
-I now know even more uses for the ‘F’ word than before. You tend to rack things like that up when you work in restaurants. I think I’m up to 20 now.
-Some people can be real idiots. No, I didn’t just learn this now, but I’ve gotten plenty of reminders.
-It’s okay to ask for help, and you are not less of a person for needing it. People who would make you feel as though you are are usually completely clueless and deserve to be ignored. They can be useful, though, if only to remind you of the point above this one.
-I love taking pictures. I don’t, however, love being in pictures. I am not photogenic at all, and the fact that my siblings are and that my brother used to model doesn’t help.
See the picture a couple of points up, of the ambulance? That’s about as much of a “selfie” as you’ll get from me. 🙂
-There are a lot-and I do mean a lot-of things I didn’t know about my family that I could have used growing up. I understand that I was pretty young during one particularly interesting period, but knowing some of the things when I was ten that I overheard by eavesdropping two months ago could have saved me a lot of time, anxiety and money for the therapist. Well, maybe I would have still needed the therapist, but it would have at least given me more of a head start! 🙂 I understand why I wasn’t told many of these things at the time and that some things aren’t what you want other people knowing, even in the family. I was just a kid, I can see why someone wouldn’t want a kid to know a lot of things. It was just really, really weird hearing my dad talk about things that defined my and my sister’s childhoods as openly and casually as he would talk about yesterday’s newspaper.
-Don’t look down those in need, or others who are referred to by Jesus as ‘the least of these’. Most, if not all, of us are going to be ‘the least of these’ at some point in our lives. Some of us already have been.
-Some people can be real idiots. Sorry, did I mention that before? 🙂
-Cats make good alarm clocks. Ditto vacuum cleaners and hot water bottles.
-I am probably the most self-absorbed person I know. At least, that’s how it feels sometimes. However, I think that is part and parcel when the depression hits. It’s hard to see a whole lot else when you are trapped behind a black curtain with only your own mind for comfort. Oh, and, I’m overdramatic too. 🙂
-There is something wonderfully comforting about making a Chef Boyardee pizza kit and chocolate chip cookies from the freezer section.
I’m sure these aren’t the only things I learned this year, but they are the ones I can think of at the moment. Hopefully in the coming year I will continue to learn, and perhaps have more interesting things to say than my usual drivel.
Oh, and, if you want to argue with anything here, that’s in room 12a. 🙂
I don’t know about you, but I have a lot of things in my life that I wish I had done or had not done. You know, the whole “woulda, coulda, shoulda” thing. A lot of times, I think I would have been happier with jobs had I studied psychology or religion rather than communication, or I think what it would have been like had I actually been able to work a the job I was going to my first day at when I got into my wreck. It’s mostly jobs I think about, mostly because I’ve spent about half my life working outside the home for money. That’s really all I know; I’m on disability right now, and it killed me to apply because that meant admitting to the government that I couldn’t work. Worse than that, I had to admit it to myself.
But lately I’ve looked back and thought, would I really have been any happier? Professionally, that is. Would I have had an easier time of it had I studied something else? What if the thing that has made the difference isn’t job related at all?
What if it is the bipolar that has caused the problems? I don’t want to have it run my life, but sometimes I don’t know how it can’t. I think the part I’m having now started when I was in college. I did socialize a lot more than I did in high school and was kind of a drama queen, however unintentionally. Certain ex-boyfriends (namely, PR*) took up a lot of time and energy, so much that I often wish I’d never met him. I don’t regret much more in my personal life because I have the most wonderful husband in the world, but professionally is where I mostly wonder. Would things had been any different had I studied something else…would I have been able to get through the school? I think back at how I wanted to go to law school…I shelved that idea for a different reason, but I wonder now if I would have done very well at the job or if I would have been able to get through law school, with the concentration issues I have. Would I have been able to keep jobs for any longer than I have so far? Would I be any happier?
Okay, sorry to ramble, but I hope you see what I was thinking about. Would things really been any better had I actually done the “coulda, woulda, shouldas” I think about? What about you? What are some of your “coulda, woulda, shouldas”?
*’PR’ stands for Psycho Rapist…that’s not the only nickname I’ve used for him, or even the most colorful, but he doesn’t deserve to have me call him by his real name. Actually, he really doesn’t even deserve this amount of thought. Sometimes I still have flashbacks, but that’s another post.