When I was doing housework this afternoon (yes, it *does* happen :P), I had my iTunes going on in the background. For some reason, lately I always have to have something going on in the background, even if it’s only in my own mind. 🙂 Anyway, the song, “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood came on. I *love* that song, and I’m not normally into country. The chorus got me thinking:
“I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive/ Carved my name into his leather seat/ Took a Louisville Slugger to both headlights/ Slashed a hole in all four tires/ Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats!”
To anyone who hasn’t heard it, it’s basically the anthem to all jilted or ‘scorned’ women anywhere. I’ve certainly found myself in that category on a number of occasions, but I never really found myself wanting to do anything quite *that* severe to get back at any of my exes (or false girl friends, for that matter). Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had plenty of angst that just *had* to come out. In fact, some of my best poetry was inspired by such incidents and relationships, some of which is on this blog (I think…). You can *definitely* tell that Alanis Morrisette and Melissa Etheridge are some of my strongest artistic influences. 🙂 Even so, I’ve never really gone out of my way to get back at someone who hurt me.
Actually, scratch that. There *was* the time when I called up an ex’s mother and told her all of the awful stuff he did to me, but that wasn’t my finest half hour and I certainly had plenty of fodder. There were also many late nights with my girlfriends making fun of the guy and burning him in effigy (I’m joking; we weren’t allowed candles in the dorm 😛 ).
I never did anything as severe as screwing with anyone’s car, but I *did* once have to hide mine to keep it from happening to me.
The ex I mention above, whose mom I called, was in a class by himself. When I say ‘class’, I really mean ‘circle of Hell’. 🙂 This is a guy who would harass any guy who showed interest in me (when we were broken up!) and then swooped in to play the hero when the other guys left me. Anyway, he was in ROTC and had these two guys, I and F, hanging around who were a year behind him and sort of his ‘subordinates’. That’s how he made it sound, anyway-I don’t know how it works in ROTC. The day before I was going to break up with him, I remembered some of the stupid ‘pledge’ or ‘hazing’ things the guys had to do, some of which were pretty destructive. I moved my car all the way across campus because I was afraid that, once I broke up with my ex, he’d have his ‘goons’ key my car and slash my tires. I’m not at all sorry for thinking this.
Actually, scratch that. I *am* sorry. Not for thinking that about my ex, because neither I nor any of my friends had a problem believing he would be capable of something like that. No, I’m sorry for thinking that I and F would for one minute *consider* pulling a stunt like that. These are two decent guys who didn’t deserve to be painted as mindless drones who would do such a thing, ‘ordered to’ or not. I’m sure they turned out well. Guys, I’m sorry I called you “goons”, even though you’ll probably never hear of it.
Either way, we’ve all moved on to bigger and better things. I’ve had quite a few more boyfriends, some of whom I still talk to sometimes. Sometimes things just don’t work out, however good the guys are. There’s only *one* more boyfriend who inspired more nasty poetry, but I brought the pain on myself for getting involved with him to begin with. I knew the relationship never should have happened, and I did it anyway. Trust me, I’ve learned my lesson.
Speaking of which, I wonder if Carrie would like any help writing her next hit ‘men are scum’ song? Because I’ve got sheets and sheets of the stuff. I’m not an angry person, but I really enjoyed writing about it all. At least that way, I can put the annoying angsty stuff to good use. 🙂