Why I’m Going To Hell

I’ve been told by some people that I shouldn’t make jokes about such a ‘serious topic’. For example, I posted a joke thread like this on one of Beliefnet.com’s Christian boards, and the regulars had a field day with it. We figured that, living in the Bible Belt, we hear enough about hellfire and brimstone from guys yelling at us on street corners that we’d have plenty to talk about. This isn’t done out of disrespect for Jesus so much as making fun of the fact that the preachers are usually yelling at women in tank tops or teenagers holding hands when we see them. Of course, the street preachers and super-fundies tell us we’re wrong and shouldn’t make fun of such a “serious matter”. I think judging people for no reason is more disrespectful than anything I could say, but whatever. I’m sure He has a sense of humor; otherwise, how would He deal with us? Anyway, here’s why I’m going to Hell:

-I don’t like Star Wars, and love Spaceballs. 🙂 In my defense, I had Star Wars kind of pushed on me when I was younger, and that makes me want to push back. Plus, the dialogue stinks. Not that Spaceballs’ dialogue is much better, but I love Mel Brooks and his parodies, particularly when they star Cary Elwes…*drool*…:)

-I know all the words to “Ice Ice Baby“*. Okay, maybe not all the words, but enough to annoy the snot out of my husband.

-I stole this from my friend E and posted it on Facebook:
Gummy Bear Song*

I’ll do her one better and at least tell you to swallow before you watch it.

-I put doll clothes on my cats as a kid…and as an adult. Strangely, Slater didn’t mind the sunglasses and fedora. He didn’t like the pantyhose, though. That’s okay, Slater, neither do I.

-I’ve been known to fill out those silly email surveys and pass them on to my friends. After all, everybody needs to know that I once dressed up as a tube of Clearasil for Halloween and one of my most embarrassing moments in school involved a guy named C and a pickle…:)

-I’ve been known to get obsessed with hotties I see on TV and make up stories about them in my mind. They usually involve a version of me dating the one I have a crush on or dating someone who happens to look like one of them. I’ve done things like this for as long as I can remember, although now they don’t involve anyone I know. A lot of the latter stories take place in college to make up for the presence of a certain person I dated back then, but I only do them for fun. Sometimes this is the only way I can get to sleep at night because of some of the freaky and downright scary thoughts that come in. Damned OCD tendencies.

-Sometimes I “tickle-rape” my husband. 🙂 At least, that’s what he calls it when I tickle him to wake him up or get back at him for a silly jab he just made.

-Sometimes I do the above in public just so our friends will wonder what a “TR” is.

That’s enough for now. I’d better stop before I have to add, ‘Made fun of the idea of going to Hell’…oops, too late.

What about you? And I apologize if I’ve offended anyone. I’m just feeling like a bit of a smartass today.

 

 

*Opens in the same window. Guess I’m going to Hell for that too.

 

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About theprozacqueen

30s, female, married, Georgia US, very opinionated, open-minded mostly, too nice for my own good, Christian, fairly liberal, friendly. I have a pretty big family and several friends and in-laws that might as well be family. I don't have kids, but I have five cats who think they're kids. I have a silly (and sometimes off-color) sense of humor. I'm a Christian so I'll try not to be nasty or use bad language in my posts, but I'm not making any promises, View all posts by theprozacqueen

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