Monthly Archives: February 2015

Spitballs From Heaven

I apologize in advance if this post depresses you. It’s about the death of someone very dear to me and, while it is meant as a tribute, it’s…well, about death. You’ve been warned.

Every May you can’t help but see it-‘Happy Mothers’ Day’. Flowers. Cards. Mugs. Ads for the latest kitchen gadget. They’re everywhere. I suppose that’s all well and good for those who are trying to find presents for their moms, but it doesn’t do much for me. I know she’d hate this, but I can’t stop thinking about how I don’t have a mother. Not in this plane of existence. Not anymore. I don’t normally sit around feeling sorry for myself (well…), but sometimes it just comes.

I remember the day she died. It was December 12, 1998, approx 11:45 pm. Yes, I remember the time. I always will. She had breast cancer…she lived for about a year or so after she first got the diagnosis. For a while, she did relatively well. But then, she didn’t. I saw how the chemo changed this once active and vital woman I loved into someone who didn’t even want to move or eat. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain she was in.

I guess one thing is good, though; she gained a completely new outlook on life. She stopped coloring her prematurely-gray hair. She would laugh and smile more. She stopped feeling depressed about things like her weight…yes, she lost a lot of it, but that’s not the point. The point is that she seemed to see each new day as a gift-a much more positive “lease on life”. I remember she would say that she didn’t want to color her hair anymore and if other people didn’t like it then, tough, because this was her. She did her best to instill confidence in my sister and me, even though she didn’t have much herself. I remember some of my friends were surprised to see me back at school for the semester after she died, but I didn’t know what else to do. It was my last semester of college, so I guess it would have been stupid for me to stay out when I was so close to finishing. But the thing is, she wouldn’t have wanted me to. She would have shot spitballs at me from heaven if I hadn’t gone back. To this day, that’s what I call hail-spitballs from heaven.

Come to think of it, that’s a good thing to do. Remember. I remember the Snickers bars. I remember that it was she who gave me my first Dr. Pepper, and I’m still addicted. 🙂 Dr. Pepper from a can, the drink of the gods. I remember telling her when I got my period. I remember that she had depression issues, and thus was a very good help to my sister and me when we had our problems. I remember how she didn’t want people to put themselves out for her, but would do anything for anyone else. I remember our ‘agreement’ that Pierce Brosnan was gorgeous…I’ve seen some unflattering pictures since, but there’s something about a man with an accent…:)

I remember the stuffed cows she gave me. We both loved cows. I remember how she once saw a stuffed cow in Walmart and bought it for me. What made it special was that she only had the money with her to go to lunch, but instead she used that to buy me the cow. She didn’t eat lunch that day. I’m tearing up a bit…I know It seems small, but it reminds me of what I *don’t* remember. I don’t remember a single selfish act on her part in all of the 21 years I’d had with her. Not one. She devoted her life to our family in a way we may not have noticed growing up, but that made a huge difference in our lives. We truly are better for having known her. If I’m lucky, maybe one day I’ll be *half* the mother and person she was. One can only hope.

Before I forget, here’s the cow:

20150216-201455.jpg

18 years later, I still have it.
I miss you, Mama. I hope I’ve done you proud.

Oh, and, one more memory-I remember how upset I was when I was told that she died rather than being healed on this planet because she didn’t believe God could heal her. That opens up so many other doors for discussion I’m not going to go through here, but I have one word for that-bullshit. She asked us to pray for her on a number of occasions, and prayed herself. Still, despite her treatment, she died. But if you think about it, she was healed. She suffered a number of things on this planet, and now she is somewhere where she will never want for anything ever again. Her depression is gone, her pain is gone, and she is with God. If that isn’t healing, what is?

Goodnight, everyone. Goodnight, Mama.

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I “Mustache” You Some Questions

I stole this idea from https://myspanglishfamilia.wordpress.com/2015/02/14/i-mustache-you-some-questions/. I just thought it might be fun.

 

Four things people call me besides my real name:

-Sha
-Sha Sha
-Moo (don’t ask)
-That girl over there-because I was so shy and retiring in high school that a lot of people (mostly teachers) never learned my name.

 

Four jobs I’ve had:
-Waitress
-Manager-in-training for a furniture store
-Sales/Promotions. I would sooner suck down an entire tube of styling gel than take another commission sales job. I am not kidding; I hated it *that* much.
-counselor at a weight-loss clinic.

 

Movies I would watch (or have watched) more than once?

-Forrest Gump
-Heathers. I was obsessed with that movie when I was a teen. I think it might have been because I had a crush on Christian Slater.
-Friday (unfortunately)
-A Knight’s Tale because…well, Heath Ledger. I’m sorry, but that man was just beautiful.
 

Books I’d recommend:

-The Shack by William P. Young. Very moving book if you’re spiritual at all. -A Day Late and a Dollar Short by Terry McMillan
-The Unauthorized Guide for Choosing a Church by Carmen Renee Berry…I love my church but the history and diversity of beliefs within Christianity fascinates me. Religion in general fascinates me, really.
-The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

 

Places I’ve lived:

-Oak Island, NC (outside Wilmington)
-Raleigh, NC
-Newnan, GA
I was born in Guam, but we left when I was a baby. Does that count? If not-
-Allen, TX

 

Four Places I’ve Been:

-Edinburgh, Scotland (and it was awesome!)
-Disney World
-St. Augustine, FL (our honeymoon)
-London

Places I’d rather be right now:

-I really don’t know. Someplace fun and warm.

 

Four things I don’t eat:
-cooked fish…but I like sushi. Go figure.
-Grits.
-Fried okra.
-Avocados. I don’t know why.

 

Four of my favorite foods:

-Chocolate anything.
-Cherry anything.
-Black olives.
-Pasta, esp. with pesto or garlic cream sauce.

 

Four TV shows I watch:

-Grey’s Anatomy
-Bones
-Dr. Phil (yes, I admit it…)
-Project Runway

 

Four things I’m looking forward to in 2015:

-My 10th wedding anniversary was in January.

I can’t really think of anything else specific. I look forward to life in general.

 

Four things I’m always saying:

-Tabby fight!
-Toby, stop biting me.
-Dusty, stop biting Toby.
-Don’t spit it out!

 

Four People to Tag:

1. https://myspanglishfamilia.wordpress.com (I got this from her)

2. https://justplainolvic.wordpress.com/

3. http://nonsenseshenanigans.com/

4. http://thereporterandthegirl.com/

You don’t have to participate if you don’t want to. It’s up to you.


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