Category Archives: humor

Why I’m Going To Hell

I’ve been told by some people that I shouldn’t make jokes about such a ‘serious topic’. For example, I posted a joke thread like this on one of Beliefnet.com’s Christian boards, and the regulars had a field day with it. We figured that, living in the Bible Belt, we hear enough about hellfire and brimstone from guys yelling at us on street corners that we’d have plenty to talk about. This isn’t done out of disrespect for Jesus so much as making fun of the fact that the preachers are usually yelling at women in tank tops or teenagers holding hands when we see them. Of course, the street preachers and super-fundies tell us we’re wrong and shouldn’t make fun of such a “serious matter”. I think judging people for no reason is more disrespectful than anything I could say, but whatever. I’m sure He has a sense of humor; otherwise, how would He deal with us? Anyway, here’s why I’m going to Hell:

-I don’t like Star Wars, and love Spaceballs. ๐Ÿ™‚ In my defense, I had Star Wars kind of pushed on me when I was younger, and that makes me want to push back. Plus, the dialogue stinks. Not that Spaceballs’ dialogue is much better, but I love Mel Brooks and his parodies, particularly when they star Cary Elwes…*drool*…:)

-I know all the words to “Ice Ice Baby“*. Okay, maybe not all the words, but enough to annoy the snot out of my husband.

-I stole this from my friend E and posted it on Facebook:
Gummy Bear Song*

I’ll do her one better and at least tell you to swallow before you watch it.

-I put doll clothes on my cats as a kid…and as an adult. Strangely, Slater didn’t mind the sunglasses and fedora. He didn’t like the pantyhose, though. That’s okay, Slater, neither do I.

-I’ve been known to fill out those silly email surveys and pass them on to my friends. After all, everybody needs to know that I once dressed up as a tube of Clearasil for Halloween and one of my most embarrassing moments in school involved a guy named C and a pickle…:)

-I’ve been known to get obsessed with hotties I see on TV and make up stories about them in my mind. They usually involve a version of me dating the one I have a crush on or dating someone who happens to look like one of them. I’ve done things like this for as long as I can remember, although now they don’t involve anyone I know. A lot of the latter stories take place in college to make up for the presence of a certain person I dated back then, but I only do them for fun. Sometimes this is the only way I can get to sleep at night because of some of the freaky and downright scary thoughts that come in. Damned OCD tendencies.

-Sometimes I “tickle-rape” my husband. ๐Ÿ™‚ At least, that’s what he calls it when I tickle him to wake him up or get back at him for a silly jab he just made.

-Sometimes I do the above in public just so our friends will wonder what a “TR” is.

That’s enough for now. I’d better stop before I have to add, ‘Made fun of the idea of going to Hell’…oops, too late.

What about you? And I apologize if I’ve offended anyone. I’m just feeling like a bit of a smartass today.

 

 

*Opens in the same window. Guess I’m going to Hell for that too.

 


Rap song, by request

Like I mentioned in another post, I once wrote a rap song for a guy. Another blogger, Safe.Amanda, suggested that I post it here so everyone can laugh at my lack of rhythm (okay, I made up that last part). Gotta give the people what they want, right?

For the record, I know how bad this is. I did it that way on purpose, but I really do suck at this kind of thing. The “recipient” (“inspiration”?) has never heard it-at least, not from me-and hopefully has no idea it exists. Anyway, here goes-

Hey you, over there
You know you’re lookin’ mighty fine
With those big green eyes
And that really great behind
ย 
You know, I’d like to date ya
‘Cause you’re really outta sight
And I’m tellin’ ya now
I won’t go down without a fight
ย 
But you keep puttin’ me off
Won’t give me the time of day
And to you boy, this is all I gotta say
ย 
(refrain)
What’s up with you?
What’s goin’ on in your mind
What’s up with you?
You know I’d like to take the time
To get to know ya boy, how ’bout givin’ me a sign?
So what’s up with you
Don’t make wantin’ you a crime
ย 
Tell me, what’s goin’ on in the back of your mind
I think together, we’d have a real good time
We can wine and dine, and dance ’till dawn
And mow our names into the neighbors’ lawn
ย 
(I don’t remember these two lines)
What I’m tryin’ to say is, I want you bad
And I know I can’t rhyme, so just cut me some slack
ย 
(refrain)

That’s it. Now that I’ve posted it, I’m expecting Dr. Dre to call me any minute. ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t know if there’s a “comically bad” subset in the rap industry but, if there is, I’m on well on my way to stardom.

See you on the flip side…

 


Weird things happen when I get bored

I was in a weird mood this afternoon (but then, when am I not?) when I found another way to waste my time.

On one online message board, a lady was upset about something she’s dealing with in her life. I said that I would give her a hug but, since she’s in New Zealand and I’m in Atlanta, it would have to be a ‘virtual’ hug. Then I thought, exactly how far away from her am I? So I plugged it into the True Knowledge add-on to my Safari browser, and it came up with this site:

www.timeanddate.com/

Basically you can tell things like what time it is in another part of the world, how far apart two places are, what day it will be at a certain point in the future, etc. It turns out that I am approximately 8101 miles away from my friend in New Zealand. That’s a pretty long distance for a hug! Then I just started getting stupid and plugged in a bunch of other places. It turns out that I am about 7857 miles away from Guam, where I was born. I don’t remember it since we left when I was a baby, but such is life for a Navy brat. I’m also 4218 miles from London, 4383 miles from Paris and 5342 miles from Ouagadougou. Don’t feel bad; I can’t pronounce it either. ๐Ÿ™‚


Inspiration Courtesy of SNL

In honor of Epiphany, here’s a bit of fun that also contains a bit of truth. I was in church yesterday when I thought of this cartoon, specifically the first part. It’s from a series of Saturday Night Live cartoons called ‘Saturday TV Funhouse’. I’m a pretty big SNL fan, and have been for a long time; this was IMO one of the funnier running sketches. You’ll have to go to the site linked to see it, though, as I’m not able to upload video from that site and I couldn’t find this on YouTube. Enjoy!

Fun With Real Audio-Jesus and Christmas

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A Bunch Of Random Links

Spending obscene amounts of time on the internet and having no life isn’t as easy as it looks. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s pretty hard work, sorting through all of the insanely funny, random videos to find those worth sharing with your friends. Here are the fruits of this past weekend’s search…

Oh, and, for those who have…what’s the word…jobs, these are not safe for work.

These are from a hidden-camera show from Australia called The Chaser’s War On Everything. If I had my own show, this is what it would be like.

Now, come on, you can’t tell me you’ve never wished you had one of these things!
Pedestrian Rage

I *so* want to write a ticket to my ex-boyfriend for being such a jerk…how much should I fine him? The cost of the therapy sessions? ๐Ÿ™‚
Wanker Number Plates

Actually, maybe I should just have him join this gang, God knows he needs to:
The Bra Boys

And now for something completely different:

For all of us Mac people:

Make an app to scoop the catbox and I’m sold:
There’s an App for anything, literally

There’s an app for what???

There’s a Hack for that

Now you’ll have this stuff in your head all day. You’re welcome. ๐Ÿ™‚


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