Category Archives: quotes

Satan’s response

As you might have heard, Pat Robertson made a comment about the earthquake in Haiti happening because they ‘made a deal with the Devil’.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/01/13/haiti.pat.robertson/index.html

Video:

In case anyone cares, Robertson is a televangelist who hosts a show called ‘the 700 Club’ . The show is on Trinity Broadcasting Network, a Christian television network that seems to me to cater exclusively to the fundamentalist/evangelical set…if you’ve never heard of either, you’re not missing anything. My ex watched that all the time and even though we broke up in 2003, my eyes are still rolling and my esophagus is still recovering from the excessive vomiting. I’m not saying all f/e-s are like Robertson, but he’s been doing this show for so long that a case can be made that he’s lost whatever marbles he’s had. But I digress. I’m sure he’s done some good, somewhere…I like to think we all have capacity for good, anyway…I’m trying to see all people as children of God just like me, but sometimes it’s pretty hard…

Either way, I found this ‘response’ from Satan that I just *had* to share:

Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

Here’s the link to the blog I found it in:

http://spritzophrenia.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/satan-replies/

Well, I thought it was funny, anyway.

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Some of my favorite quotes

I’m a bit bored today and can’t think of anything else to write, so I thought I would share some of my favorite quotes.

“I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a shit. What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.”  – Tony Campolo…author, speaker, activist and Baptist pastor

“You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image, when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” – Ann Lamott

“I once shot a man just to watch him die. Then I got distracted and missed it.” – Kids in the Hall

“There’s probably no One True Church.  Now stop worrying and enjoy serving God.”- My friend Veronica Zundel, in response to an advertisement for atheism

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller

“Dear enemy-may the Lord hate you and all your kind, may you be turned orange in hue, and may your head fall off at an awkward moment.” – Edmund, BlackAdder

“Preach the gospel, always. If necessary, use words.” – St. Francis

“They could build monuments to your self-centeredness.”  -‘Wilson’, House

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, and walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” – Brennan Manning

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  – Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“You are the son of a clerk, I am the son of a count. I’m not supposed to want to be you.” – The Count of Monte Christo

“What the world needs now is another folk singer, like I need a hole in my head.” – Cracker

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.   On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” – Romans 12:17-21

“Go sell crazy someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.” –  As Good As It Gets

“And we know that God causes everything to come together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”  – Romans 8:28

“In the essentials, unity; in the non-essentials, liberty; in all things, love.” – St. Augustine

“Every time I come to this city, some guy picks me up at the bus station, takes me to a Leafs game, gets me pissed, and then tries to blow me. Why can’t people like me for me?” – Kids in the Hall

“People who speak in metaphor should shampoo my crotch.” –  As Good As It Gets

“Get busy living, or get busy dying’. – The Shawshank Redemption

 


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