Tag Archives: lists

Christmas list?

This post was originally published in December 2010, but I thought it could use an update. Even though I am working now, I still can’t help but feel like crap because half the time I forget things that are easy for everyone else to remember and I seem to always be doing something wrong. I’m not saying that because I get constant criticism, although it feels like that sometimes. I’m saying that because I’m oversensitive and tend to respond to things like the tones people use when sometimes it’s better to remember that that’s just how someone talks or that this isn’t a good time of the year for me in general. It’s better this year than it has been because I’m working and making money, although I do wish I could see my family and friends more often. Anyway, back to your regularly-scheduled whine-fest.

My husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas. The first things I thought of were a Bible with the Apocrypha in it and/or one of my favorite party games. Of course, we’d actually have to *have* parties in order to play said game, but that’s something else entirely. I can think of a few things I’d like, but I don’t think they would be something he could give me. For instance:

-He can’t give me my brain back. One thing I hate to no end is that I feel like I am ‘slipping’…everyone else ‘gets’ things that I don’t, and I keep missing and forgetting things. I don’t want to immediately say it’s because of my bipolar and/or ADHD, but that’s probably the most likely scenario. My doctors have told me that it affects the way I think; I test lower on IQ tests than I did before because my brain works differently (well, assuming it works at all 😛 ). Seriously. I’ve been told over and over again that I ‘don’t think’ or whatnot, but that’s not true at all. I *do* think, I just tend to think so fast that nothing really ‘sticks’. My last few employers-you know, the two jobs I was fired from in two weeks-can attest to that. It’s just so frustrating, because I feel like everyone else is smarter than me and understands everything much better. Maybe this is true, but maybe I’m just *different*, not any less or any more. I don’t know.

-He can’t help me lose weight. Maybe he can in terms of eating more vegetables and less fatty stuff, but he can’t exercise for me or stop me from liking things like soda and cookies. I feel like I’ve nagged him enough about that in terms of getting him to buy veggies and fruit for produce, although truth be told I really don’t push anywhere near as much as I could. Still, I know that money has been really tight for us and that he feels like the stuff we can afford is often the stuff that’s really the worst for us. He doesn’t say it like that, but that’s what it comes out to. We *do* get canned veggies but It’s up to me to actually *eat* them, or to choose them over other stuff when I have a choice.

-He can’t help me get motivated to do, well, anything. I have so many projects I’ve started that I haven’t finished and don’t really know if I will. A children’s book, a novel of sorts, a few other writing projects…at least I’ve had some stories published, although they haven’t sold yet and *ahem* aren’t the type of stories you let your dad read. I have a couple of tabs open in my browser right now for things I keep meaning to read, but somehow never get around to it because I’m so easily distracted. Maybe at some point I’ll stop playing Facebook games long enough to read the stuff I’m supposed to read on Beliefnet for my job, and Slater, get off the counter,then do some writing I get paid for and Dr Phil’s head looks particularly shiny today….oops, got distracted again.

-He can’t get me to stand up for myself the way I need to.

-He can’t ward off my depression or make other people do stuff with us. They have their own lives and I totally appreciate that, but sometimes I just get bored with the same old thing. Boredom often leads to depression with me and, since I don’t work outside of the home, I get bored quite a bit. It’s gotten better now that we’ve paid the car off and I’ve been doing more stuff at church. Just to get out among other people-especially more women since most of my friends here are men-really helps. Even so, sometimes I still feel really “meh”. Which leads me to my next point:

-He can’t make me feel like less of a piece of crap because I get disability even though a lot of the time I feel as though I can work. I know from experience that my mental issues cause major problems and my physical issues aren’t much better, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling as though I’m one of those “sponges” or “cheats” some people rant about. I would never, ever say that to someone else, but I’ll say that to myself. Hmm.

He can’t change the past, which is ultimately what it would take to ward this off.

That’s just it. He can’t change the past. I know he would if he could, though. The only thing that can be done is to get to be more comfortable and content with the way things are and to try and improve things from there, but that’s something I have to do for myself. I have to ask God to help me with that every day, if I remember. That’s really sad, ‘if I remember’, but the point is that he can’t do it for me because it’s not *for* him to do. It’s for me, with God’s help. And I need all the help I can get.

*sigh*

Maybe I should just stick with new jeans and some bras to replace the ones I can’t wear anymore. That would require a lot less explanation.


Why I’m *Really* Going to Hell (Or So I’m Told)

(I’m re-publishing this because I added an item. Hope you like it.)

Last year, I wrote a post joking about going to Hell based on a discussion thread I posted on Beliefnet.com. It was meant to lighten the mood on a normally-heavy debate board. It was mostly successful, but there were several people who didn’t appreciate my sense of humor and implied that God wouldn’t either; I *am* in the Bible Belt, after all. After reading a few responses, I figured I’d better write a something a bit more serious. According to some people, here are the reasons I’m going to Hell.

Having the wrong political views.

But Here’s 5 Reasons Why American Evangelicalism Completely Lost Me

I’m citing this post by Benjamin Corey because item #1 speaks directly to what I’ve experienced. The person I dated before my husband was a deeply conservative Christian. It ended for a lot of reasons, but I’m mentioning this because being with him got me sucked into the Evangelical culture and politics Corey mentions. It’s very disturbing how some people would judge your faith by whether or not you supported the Bush administration and/or the Republican party. It wasn’t as creepy as the movie Jesus Camp, but it still felt weird. As a then-Democrat, I learned very quickly to keep my mouth shut lest I be accused of “helping the Devil” or something like that. I can’t explain it any better than Corey does, but what got to me the most was that there really was a time when I thought God had abandoned me because of my beliefs. Before you scoff, consider that few things make you feel farther from God than the depression that comes along with untreated bipolar disorder. Why was it untreated, you ask? Well….

Seeing secular medical treatment. It wasn’t getting medical treatment that was the problem so much as the “lack of faith” that prompted me to seek said treatment instead of relying on God to heal me. In “Prosperity Gospel” circles (more on why it’s BS in another post), that can mean anything from having somehow lost my way to (gasp!) not being a Real Christian at all. The fact that I had gone back on medication after having tried the “supernatural healing” approach made it even worse because it was thought that I got sick again because I lost faith and God had taken away the healing. How this made sense to anyone I’ll never know, but it’s thoughts like this that can make someone already suffering from depression or something like it feel even worse. If even God doesn’t love you, you must be a piece of crap, right? I actually began to wonder if the “diagnoses” of me having an unclean spirit that needed to be cast out were true after all. Again, scoff all you want; When you feel like something else is inside of you controlling your thoughts and actions the way you would in “mixed state”, you’d believe it too.

Strangely enough, I never *did* lose faith. I still believed and sought God throughout all of this. Take that!

Blaspheming the Holy Spirit. Despite the fact that it comes right from the source , I haven’t heard this one as often as the others. The only reason I’m mentioning it is because no one can tell me what this actually *means*. Was it laughing when I saw, “I found Jesus-He was behind the couch” on a T-shirt? Was it playing Cards Against Humanity and giggling at some of the less-disrespectful cards? Some of them *do* mention God or Jesus. When I see a really rude one I’ll say “that’s just wrong” or “that’s sacrilegious”, but I don’t bow out of the game. Was it when I used to play with Ouija boards as a teenager? I won’t touch the damned things now; they creep me out. Was it when a boyfriend started exploring Paganism in college? When a Catholic one stopped going to confession? He said he’d been made to do the “church thing” growing up and was enjoying the freedom. Was it when my friend told God to “shove it” when her husband died shortly after their son was born?

The definition that makes the most sense to me is, strangely again, not the one I hear most often. The way my former Southern Baptist church explained it to me was that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is an ongoing, willful rejection of God. It’s not something you do out of anger or youthful ignorance, nor is it related to your choice of entertainment; that’s another matter altogether. It was also said that it’s not something a Christian can do because, if someone is willing to completely deny Jesus, they probably weren’t saved to begin with. If you’re asking this question, you probably haven’t committed this sin because if you had, you wouldn’t care.

As for the aforementioned Catholic, he never left the church; as much as he liked sleeping in on Sunday, he realized pretty quickly that nothing can take the place of Jesus. I wonder if this minor “straying” was a way of showing him that.

I’m happy for my brother. Before you say “huh?”, let me explain. My brother and his now-husband live in a state (Hawaii) that, after years of debate, finally allows same-sex marriage. They have been together for nearly 35 years but, because of their genders, somehow their relationship is less “real” and worthy of celebration than celebrities who ask for divorce via text message or leave after six months because the “honeymoon phase” is over and it’s not fun anymore.

Some in the more conservative circles would say that homosexuality is an “abomination” and that, by being happy for my brother, I’m somehow “condoning sin” or, worse, participating in it. I think this is ridiculous because even if I did believe homosexuality was a “choice”-and the hell my gay friends went through in trying to “make themselves straight” tells me it’s not-, I’m happy that someone I care about is happy. Period. It would be one thing if this happiness hurt someone else, but it doesn’t. It’s just there for him, his husband and everyone they love to share in. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

I’m a feminist of sorts. I think women are equal to men and should be treated as such. I don’t see why this is a big deal.

Not trying to convert everyone I meet. I’ve had friends of other faiths (or none at all) for a long time. This isn’t a problem for most Evangelicals, but I heard some pretty nasty comments about how I needed to “convert” certain people so they won’t go to Hell. I see two things wrong with this view: 1) I was under the impression that it was the Holy Spirit who converted people, I was just the messenger, and b) I know from experience that the harder you push something on someone, the more likely they are to push back. Harder. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about your faith; in fact, I do it all the time. I’m not aggressive about it or bring it up in every conversation, but I love learning and talking about Jesus and religion in general. I wasn’t raised a Christian, so this is a big change. I just don’t know why I would need to be aggressive about it when the people who showed me to Jesus were anything but. They didn’t just talk about the Gospel-they lived it. Even if they didn’t say word one about God, you could see Him written all over their faces and in their lives. That is how I want to be. I want to bring people to God the way they did for me. Like I said, though, He’s the one who does the “saving”. I just want to lead people to the door. I suck at that, but that’s another post.

These are just a few of the reasons I’ve been told I’m going to Hell. I’m not saying that doing the right things isn’t important because it is, but I’m not sure if that’s really the “point” of Christianity. I don’t know; I just want to be like Jesus. Perhaps I need to be thinking more about *that* than what other people say. One day at a time.


I “Mustache” You Some Questions

I stole this idea from https://myspanglishfamilia.wordpress.com/2015/02/14/i-mustache-you-some-questions/. I just thought it might be fun.

 

Four things people call me besides my real name:

-Sha
-Sha Sha
-Moo (don’t ask)
-That girl over there-because I was so shy and retiring in high school that a lot of people (mostly teachers) never learned my name.

 

Four jobs I’ve had:
-Waitress
-Manager-in-training for a furniture store
-Sales/Promotions. I would sooner suck down an entire tube of styling gel than take another commission sales job. I am not kidding; I hated it *that* much.
-counselor at a weight-loss clinic.

 

Movies I would watch (or have watched) more than once?

-Forrest Gump
-Heathers. I was obsessed with that movie when I was a teen. I think it might have been because I had a crush on Christian Slater.
-Friday (unfortunately)
-A Knight’s Tale because…well, Heath Ledger. I’m sorry, but that man was just beautiful.
 

Books I’d recommend:

-The Shack by William P. Young. Very moving book if you’re spiritual at all. -A Day Late and a Dollar Short by Terry McMillan
-The Unauthorized Guide for Choosing a Church by Carmen Renee Berry…I love my church but the history and diversity of beliefs within Christianity fascinates me. Religion in general fascinates me, really.
-The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

 

Places I’ve lived:

-Oak Island, NC (outside Wilmington)
-Raleigh, NC
-Newnan, GA
I was born in Guam, but we left when I was a baby. Does that count? If not-
-Allen, TX

 

Four Places I’ve Been:

-Edinburgh, Scotland (and it was awesome!)
-Disney World
-St. Augustine, FL (our honeymoon)
-London

Places I’d rather be right now:

-I really don’t know. Someplace fun and warm.

 

Four things I don’t eat:
-cooked fish…but I like sushi. Go figure.
-Grits.
-Fried okra.
-Avocados. I don’t know why.

 

Four of my favorite foods:

-Chocolate anything.
-Cherry anything.
-Black olives.
-Pasta, esp. with pesto or garlic cream sauce.

 

Four TV shows I watch:

-Grey’s Anatomy
-Bones
-Dr. Phil (yes, I admit it…)
-Project Runway

 

Four things I’m looking forward to in 2015:

-My 10th wedding anniversary was in January.

I can’t really think of anything else specific. I look forward to life in general.

 

Four things I’m always saying:

-Tabby fight!
-Toby, stop biting me.
-Dusty, stop biting Toby.
-Don’t spit it out!

 

Four People to Tag:

1. https://myspanglishfamilia.wordpress.com (I got this from her)

2. https://justplainolvic.wordpress.com/

3. http://nonsenseshenanigans.com/

4. http://thereporterandthegirl.com/

You don’t have to participate if you don’t want to. It’s up to you.


Why I’m Going To Hell

I’ve been told by some people that I shouldn’t make jokes about such a ‘serious topic’. For example, I posted a joke thread like this on one of Beliefnet.com’s Christian boards, and the regulars had a field day with it. We figured that, living in the Bible Belt, we hear enough about hellfire and brimstone from guys yelling at us on street corners that we’d have plenty to talk about. This isn’t done out of disrespect for Jesus so much as making fun of the fact that the preachers are usually yelling at women in tank tops or teenagers holding hands when we see them. Of course, the street preachers and super-fundies tell us we’re wrong and shouldn’t make fun of such a “serious matter”. I think judging people for no reason is more disrespectful than anything I could say, but whatever. I’m sure He has a sense of humor; otherwise, how would He deal with us? Anyway, here’s why I’m going to Hell:

-I don’t like Star Wars, and love Spaceballs. 🙂 In my defense, I had Star Wars kind of pushed on me when I was younger, and that makes me want to push back. Plus, the dialogue stinks. Not that Spaceballs’ dialogue is much better, but I love Mel Brooks and his parodies, particularly when they star Cary Elwes…*drool*…:)

-I know all the words to “Ice Ice Baby“*. Okay, maybe not all the words, but enough to annoy the snot out of my husband.

-I stole this from my friend E and posted it on Facebook:
Gummy Bear Song*

I’ll do her one better and at least tell you to swallow before you watch it.

-I put doll clothes on my cats as a kid…and as an adult. Strangely, Slater didn’t mind the sunglasses and fedora. He didn’t like the pantyhose, though. That’s okay, Slater, neither do I.

-I’ve been known to fill out those silly email surveys and pass them on to my friends. After all, everybody needs to know that I once dressed up as a tube of Clearasil for Halloween and one of my most embarrassing moments in school involved a guy named C and a pickle…:)

-I’ve been known to get obsessed with hotties I see on TV and make up stories about them in my mind. They usually involve a version of me dating the one I have a crush on or dating someone who happens to look like one of them. I’ve done things like this for as long as I can remember, although now they don’t involve anyone I know. A lot of the latter stories take place in college to make up for the presence of a certain person I dated back then, but I only do them for fun. Sometimes this is the only way I can get to sleep at night because of some of the freaky and downright scary thoughts that come in. Damned OCD tendencies.

-Sometimes I “tickle-rape” my husband. 🙂 At least, that’s what he calls it when I tickle him to wake him up or get back at him for a silly jab he just made.

-Sometimes I do the above in public just so our friends will wonder what a “TR” is.

That’s enough for now. I’d better stop before I have to add, ‘Made fun of the idea of going to Hell’…oops, too late.

What about you? And I apologize if I’ve offended anyone. I’m just feeling like a bit of a smartass today.

 

 

*Opens in the same window. Guess I’m going to Hell for that too.

 


The Men of ‘Project Runway’

(Disclaimer-Neither The Prozac Queen nor her ‘subjects’ are to be held responsible for any asthma attacks suffered/deadly sins committed/computer keyboards damaged that result from reading this post. Drool at your own risk.)

I’m publishing this again because I’ve found yet another reason to love Mr. OctoberTim Gunn has an “It Gets Better” video too.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while now, but I didn’t know if it would be weird for me to write about a TV show without having a purpose other than for my own entertainment. I’m not sure why, but the phrases ‘creepy stalker’ and ‘desperately needs a life‘ come to mind.:) I love to read reviews online, but most of those appear in ‘zines’ with people whose jobs are to watch TV and comment on it. In other words, people who get paid to do what I do for free. 🙂 I’ve now read other people’s ‘personal reviews’ and I figured, what the heck. It’s not like anything I say will (or should) be taken seriously. So, here goes.

Despite the fact that I have about as much fashion sense as a turnip, I love watching Project Runway. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a reality show on Lifetime where a group of fashion designers complete weekly challenges for a chance to show at Fashion Week and all kinds of other awesome prizes. I especially like the ‘Unconventional Challenges’ where they make dresses out of corn husks and stuff they found in a pet store! There’s also the one where they had to talk people out of their clothes (hmm, shouldn’t we at least wait until the third date for that?) to use in their projects. I haven’t seen every season, but that’s what the internet is for. So you know what I’m talking about, here’s a link to the show’s sitehttp://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway
There’s also the ‘All Stars’ show where they bring back designers from previous seasons to compete all over again. http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway-all-stars

Heidi Klum is the host…she’s pretty nice, but I love Tim Gunn, who serves as a sort of ‘mentor’ to the designers. He’s so classy-he has a way of telling it like it is without making you feel like a squashed bug. He would be so much fun to hang out with but, seeing as I’m a nobody, that’s about as likely to happen as my cats are to follow instructions. In other words, never. Oh well.

Like most other reality shows, half of the draw is the level of attractiveness of the contestants. However, since Lifetime caters to women, any and all ‘eye candy’ I notice is of the male variety. Finally, something just for us!

Now, some of you are probably asking, “Wait a sec…aren’t all these guys gay?” My answer to that is, “And? Your point is?” I don’t know, and I don’t care. Gay, straight, bi, tri…it doesn’t matter. Hotness is hotness. It doesn’t matter anyway; the closest any of us will probably get to them is licking the computer screen.* Oh, well.  In that vein, I’ve come up with the Project Runway Swimsuit Calendar. Well, not really, but here are my ‘nominees’, in no particular order.

Continue reading


Enquiring minds want to know…

Okay, so I used the tagline from one of the worst tabloid rags of my generation. Sue me. 🙂

I seem to always be asking questions. Whether this is a blessing or a curse, a good thing or bad thing depends on who you ask.  I’ve managed to infuriate many a professor or preacher without really meaning to. Anyway, I’m bored and I have a blog and you don’t, so you are going to listen to everything I have to say. 🙂 Here goes:

-I wonder if cats can be trained to do household chores. Slater likes to ‘knead’ so much, I wonder if he can be trained to do that on our backs on command.  Maybe then he’ll actually earn his keep.  Yeah, right, and I’m a supermodel. 🙂

-I wonder if I’m ever going to get my hip fixed, or if I should even try right now. I’ll just have to get the replacement replaced in about 20 years anyway, but that actually isn’t a huge problem.  In a sense I really want to but I don’t know if it’s ever going to be a ‘good time’ with money and all that.  So I’m afraid to get my hopes up and then have them dashed again.  One reason I want it is because I can’t have kids until I do, but to be honest I wonder if that’s even a consideration.  I’m not going to explain one of the other reasons…let’s just say I lost a lot of the motion in the left hip, and leave it at that.

-I wonder if I’m ever going to get this song out of my head:

🙂

-On the tip of #2 , I wonder if the fact that I am 32 and my ‘biological clock’ isn’t ticking at a deafening volume like those of my friends is God’s way of preparing me for not having kids, or telling me that it’s not the best idea.  I’m probably overthinking, but I’m concerned about the bipolar causing problems. It’s not so much about passing it on, although that is a very distinct possibility, especially since it’s on my husband’s side of the family too. No, it’s more about not being able to get through the pregnancy without meds or possibly not being a good parent because I’m too busy throwing things at my reflection in the mirror because my husband and I can’t afford our meds and stuff for the kid too.  Most of the time I don’t really ‘act mental’…in fact, my brother-in-law says he’d never have guessed that I even *have* bipolar, I seem so even-headed. *laugh* If he only knew…:)  Seriously, it doesn’t usually run my life but I can’t plan on that, especially during a pregnancy. We talk about adoption, but I’m not sure that would be much better, or if the state would even *let* me adopt. We shall see.

-I wonder what I’d look like with a shaved head.

-I wonder what I did to deserve such a good husband, or what he did to deserve being saddled to me for life.

-I wonder if I’m ever going to get past this obsession I have with being clean and thinking I have body odor when my husband, friends, mother, and even doctors have been telling me I don’t. Oh well, there are worse things to be obsessed with than bathing, like Italian sausages and celebrity plastic surgery.  🙂

-I’m still trying to figure out why I should care about things like which actor’s dating who or what perfume the president’s wife’s former roommate is wearing.  This is an exaggeration, but not much of one. I guess I should be happy that things are boring enough to where this stuff is all the news networks have to run, but all this reality-tv, celebutaunt stuff is making me wish for better days…like the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky scandal.  At least one person involved in that was intelligent, if only for knowing not to inhale.

-I wonder if I am ever going to work full-time again, or bring in a regular income that isn’t from the government.

-I wonder if it’s possible to walk a cat on a leash.

-I wonder what my husband would look like in a tutu.

-I wonder what people from high school and college think about how I turned out, or if I should care.

-I wonder if there’s any correlation in the facts that I have a long line of overweight alcoholics in my family and that we share our name with popular brands of Scotch and shortbread cookies.

-I wonder if I will ever get to where I don’t feel like I have to fill the silence with random stupid crap.

-I wonder if I’ll be alive to see which Nostradamus predictions and Armageddon/End-Times scenarios turn out to be true.

-I’m sure I have some sort of purpose on this planet, but I wonder if I’ll ever figure out what it is.

And, the most important question of all-

-I wonder if I’ll ever figure out that a person with hypoglycemia should take a break to eat before getting involved in a project so that she doesn’t have to suck down yogurt and sweet tea at midnight so she doesn’t feel like the room is spinning.  If you notice me getting bitchier as this post goes on, that’s why. Yeah, that’s my story, I’m sticking to it. 🙂

And on that note…

I’d welcome any answers you have, or further questions…even flame mail would do.  I’m still sober, I can take it. 🙂

And now I am going to shut up for a moment and line the catbox with the previously-mentioned tabloid.  I’m not sure what smells worse, the trash in the box or the trash on the pages.  Maybe by this time next year I’ll have figured it out. Later!

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]Oh, and, Happy New Year.

Lessons learned in 2009

Throwback Thursday-this was originally posted in 2009, but I’ve added a few pictures and made other updates.

 

I know we still have a week or so left in the year, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be coherent enough to see straight by then.  Here are a few of the lessons this past year has taught me.

-I am not now, and should never be, defined by my job.  I felt like I lost a part of myself in this past year or so when I had to stop trying to work, simply because I have done it for so long that I didn’t know a whole lot else.  There are a lot more details about the ‘progression’ in this and this post. It was, however, the best thing I could have done for myself.  I’m wondering now whether the series of disappointments I mention in the links above were God’s way of showing me what was really important in life, or preparing me for something else? That is something my friend M suggested, and very well might be true. It’s not the first time I’ve heard/thought of this, but it usually takes me a couple of times to get things through my thick skull!.  He works in strange ways, ways I often don’t understand or like at the time but that turn out to be just what I need. I am the worst person in the world about submitting and/or trusting Him sometimes and not trying to do everything myself. I’ve had a lot of trouble with my faith in the past few years, which gives this realization even more weight. This might sound offensive to some, but I wonder if parts of my life thus far have been sort of a ‘man born blind’ story-where I am made weak so that the glory and power of God can be shown through me? If so, bring it on!

Okay, I’ll stop preaching now. I just have to keep reminding myself that there is a reason for everything.

And somebody pass me my raincoat…:)

-Related to the above, this past year has reminded me of how important friends and family are, and how they matter a lot more than how much money you make.   I now remember why I decided not to go to law school after college-I didn’t want to be killing myself at an office 80 hours a week trying to pay off student loans, and not have time for a life.  It’s just not worth it.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail has to be one of the funniest movies ever made. I’d seen it before, but because of my insanely silly husband, I’ve gained a new appreciation for Monty Python. It’s educational too. If not for that movie, I might not have ever learned the truth about rabbits:

🙂

-I could easily be dead right now if not for the hand of God.  All accounts of my accident given to me by my doctors, family, and even the insurance adjusters tell me that it’s a miracle that I survived, much less can walk and take care of the house.

For those who have not heard the story, I was hit when pulling out of my subdivision on the way to a new job. I was hit T-bone style (perpendicularly) on the driver’s side by a Ford F150. In case you haven’t seen one of these trucks, they are quite massive and one of the toughest, heaviest pickup trucks out there. My Saturn was turned from a four-door sedan into a crumpled pile of metal within about a few minutes. Here’s the writeup with pictures:

saturn close up

Close-up of Saturn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Please pardon the unevenness of the pictures. WordPress hates me today.)

I got out of it with a punctured lung and a broken pelvis,  and that’s just what I’ve been told about. I spent a month in the hospital, half of it restrained and sedated to keep me from waking up and ripping out all of my tubes…I’m told I did this quite often! I had extensive physical and occupational therapy, essentially learning to walk again.  On the up side, at least some of the therapists were cute. 🙂 Don’t ask me how it all happened because I don’t remember…I don’t remember a single thing about the wreck itself, nor the first two weeks in the hospital.  The only pictures I’ve seen are from the newspaper, and those are just of the cars; I’ve never seen one of me. Truth be told, I’m not sure I want to.

My friends tell me that my memory (or lack thereof) was God’s way of protecting me from further trauma. Given the nightmares others like me have had, I believe it.

I’ve told this story in my head and to other people about a million times, and each time I do I remember how it could have turned out. I was hit by a truck that can tow a hippopotamus, for God’s sake. I have to keep reminding myself of this when I start feeling sorry for myself for the things I cannot do.

-I now know even more uses for the ‘F’ word than before.  You tend to rack things like that up when you work in restaurants.  I think I’m up to 20 now.

-Some people can be real idiots. No, I didn’t just learn this now, but I’ve gotten plenty of reminders.

-It’s okay to ask for help, and you are not less of a person for needing it.  People who would make you feel as though you are are usually completely clueless and deserve to be ignored.  They can be useful, though, if only to remind you of the point above this one.

-I love taking pictures.  I don’t, however, love being in pictures.  I am not photogenic at all, and the fact that my siblings are and that my brother used to model doesn’t help.

See the picture a couple of points up, of the ambulance? That’s about as much of a “selfie” as you’ll get from me. 🙂

-There are a lot-and I do mean a lot-of things I didn’t know about my family that I could have used growing up.  I understand that I was pretty young during one particularly interesting period, but knowing some of the things when I was ten that I overheard by eavesdropping two months ago could have saved me a lot of time, anxiety and money for the therapist.  Well, maybe I would have still needed the therapist, but it would have at least given me more of a head start! 🙂 I understand why I wasn’t told many of these things at the time and that some things aren’t what you want other people knowing, even in the family.   I was just a kid, I can see why someone wouldn’t want a kid to know a lot of things.  It was just really, really weird hearing my dad talk about things that defined my and my sister’s childhoods as openly and casually as he would talk about yesterday’s newspaper.

-Don’t look down those in need, or others who are referred to by Jesus as ‘the least of these’.  Most, if not all, of us are going to be ‘the least of these’ at some point in our lives.  Some of us already have been.

-Some people can be real idiots.  Sorry, did I mention that before? 🙂

-Cats make good alarm clocks. Ditto vacuum cleaners and hot water bottles.

-I am probably the most self-absorbed person I know. At least, that’s how it feels sometimes.  However, I think that is part and parcel when the depression hits. It’s hard to see a whole lot else when you are trapped behind a black curtain with only your own mind for comfort.  Oh, and, I’m overdramatic too. 🙂

-There is something wonderfully comforting about making a Chef Boyardee pizza kit and chocolate chip cookies from the freezer section.

I’m sure these aren’t the only things I learned this year, but they are the ones I can think of at the moment. Hopefully in the coming year I will continue to learn, and perhaps have more interesting things to say than my usual drivel.

Oh, and, if you want to argue with anything here, that’s in room 12a. 🙂

 

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Pouring My Art Out

Ripping out my guts for your entertainment

The Gay Christian

My Thoughts. My Journal. My Life.

Tea and Theology

Fix yourself a cup of tea. Let's talk theology.

renegade mothering

tales of a wayward mama

sonofthemountains

Child of the human condition

Notes from the U.K.

Exploring the spidery corners of a culture and the weird stuff that tourist brochures ignore.

My Ears Are Tired

where the days are long, but the years are short

Express With NeJae

Express Yourself ..We Care

New Pollyanna

Ne'er-do-well on the loose

Lorelle on WordPress

Helping you learn more and do more with WordPress

~Idiot Writing~

'all our lives are a poetry - awake our souls.' ~ Battling the hypocrite within ~

Cee's Photography

Learning and teaching the art of composition.

J is for Jardín

A Rapid Cycling Kinda Life: Because Sometimes I Thrive & Sometimes I'm Dormant

Da UGLY Ducklin

The life of PASSION

blahpolar

bipolar, uninterrupted

Not A Minute To Waste

About life. Anything and everything about it. Let's talk.

Marie Abanga's Blog

A site about my thrilling life, inspiration, motivation, writings & mental health