Tag Archives: love

Sweet Revenge?

When I was doing housework this afternoon (yes, it *does* happen :P), I had my iTunes going on in the background. For some reason, lately I always have to have something going on in the background, even if it’s only in my own mind. πŸ™‚ Anyway, the song, “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood came on. I *love* that song, and I’m not normally into country. The chorus got me thinking:

“I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive/ Carved my name into his leather seat/ Took a Louisville Slugger to both headlights/ Slashed a hole in all four tires/ Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats!”

To anyone who hasn’t heard it, it’s basically the anthem to all jilted or ‘scorned’ women anywhere. I’ve certainly found myself in that category on a number of occasions, but I never really found myself wanting to do anything quite *that* severe to get back at any of my exes (or false girl friends, for that matter). Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had plenty of angst that just *had* to come out. In fact, some of my best poetry was inspired by such incidents and relationships, some of which is on this blog (I think…). You can *definitely* tell that Alanis Morrisette and Mellissa Etheridge are some of my strongest artistic influences. πŸ™‚ Even so, I’ve never really gone out of my way to get back at someone who hurt me.

Actually, scratch that. There *was* the time when I called up an ex’s mother and told her all of the awful stuff he did to me, but that wasn’t my finest half hour and I certainly had plenty of fodder. There were also many late nights with my girlfriends making fun of the guy and burning him in effigy (I’m joking; we weren’t allowed candles in the dorm πŸ˜› ).

I never did anything as severe as screwing with anyone’s car, but I *did* once have to hide mine to keep it from happening to me.

The ex I mention above, whose mom I called, was in a class by himself. When I say ‘class’, I really mean ‘circle of Hell’. πŸ™‚ This is a guy who would harass any guy who showed interest in me (when we were broken up!) and then swooped in to play the hero when the other guys left me. Anyway, he was in ROTC and had these two guys, I and F, hanging around who were a year behind him and sort of his ‘subordinates’. That’s how he made it sound, anyway-I don’t know how it works in ROTC. The day before I was going to break up with him, I remembered some of the stupid ‘pledge’ or ‘hazing’ things the guys had to do, some of which were pretty destructive. I moved my car all the way across campus because I was afraid that, once I broke up with my ex, he’d have his ‘goons’ key my car and slash my tires.

In retrospect, I feel bad for thinking that. Not for thinking that about my ex, because neither I nor any of my friends had a problem believing he would be capable of something like that. No, I feel bad for thinking that about I and F; these are two decent guys who didn’t deserve to be painted as mindless drones who would even *think* of doing something like that, ‘ordered to’ or not. I’m sure they turned out well. Guys, I’m sorry I called you “goons”, even though you’ll probably never hear of it.

Either way, we’ve all moved on to bigger and better things. I’ve had quite a few more boyfriends, some of whom I still talk to sometimes. Sometimes things just don’t work out, however good the guys are. There’s only *one* more boyfriend who inspired more nasty poetry, but I brought the pain on myself for getting involved with him to begin with. I knew the relationship never should have happened, and I did it anyway. Trust me, I’ve learned my lesson.

Speaking of which, I wonder if Carrie would like any help writing her next hit ‘men are scum’ song? Because I’ve got sheets and sheets of the stuff. I’m not an angry person, but I really enjoyed writing about it all. At least that way, I can put the annoying angsty stuff to good use. πŸ™‚


Untitled, written 12/98

(In my defense, I wrote this after hearing something stupid my ex said about me and listening to a lot of Alanis Morrissette.)

I thought you were so perfect
I thought that you’d be mine
How could I be so stupid?
How could I be so blind?

You made me think you wanted me
You even said you cared
I trusted you with everything
I laid my whole heart bare

But what was I to you?
Another page you turned?
As I’m left to throw my dreams away
And watch my teardrops burn?

I’ll never fall in love again
I can’t afford the pain
My heart can’t take the damage
My soul can’t bear the stain

My soul, it died the day you left
My heart, it hit the floor
But you’re still in my dreams at night
You leave me wanting more

I’ve given you my world, my honor
My dreams I dearly prize
How could I throw that all away
For something in your eyes?

But what was I to you?
Another body, another thrill?
Oh what does it matter now
It’s just my soul you killed

(Refrain)

You’ve left me here with nothing
But one lesson, drowned in tears
Because of you, I’ll never trust
But forever live in fear


Moonlight

As I walk alone in the pale moonlight
The waves licking my feet
I imagine you beside me
I dream I am complete.

I see your image in the sky
Your face among the stars
Your splendor overwhelms me
Will all else that you are.

Your voice is that of angels,
Your touch the warmest sun.
And although I’ve heard of others
You’re now my only one.

In my heart, I cherish you
More than you could ever deem.
But sadly I must walk alone
For you are just a dream.


Lessons from my mother…

To honor her on the anniversary of her death (12/12/98), here are some of the many lessons I learned from my mother.

Stop picking your nose.

‘Pretty is as pretty does.’Β  Your looks are not nearly as important as your mind, your heart, or your soul.

Stuffed cows make good listeners. They dry tears well too.

Never let a seven-year-old have three Dr. Peppers in a row, especially on a long car ride.

Flush.

Never try to break up a cat fight, literally or otherwise.

Pierce Brosnan is gorgeous.Β  Who cares if he’s old enough to be your dad?

Shoving everything under your bed does not count as cleaning your room. Ditto the closet.

Things have a way of working themselves out.

Don’t throw the cat in the pool. Don’t let her lick ice cream off of your lips either.

If you color your hair, you will never get it back the same way it was before.

Never play dumb to get a guy. If he can’t take you being smarter than him, he’s not worth your time.

Dogs are good judges of character.Β  If the dog bites your boyfriend, take the hint.

Some of the best relationships start off as friendships.

Don’t let your four-year-old eat cat food.

There is no problem that can’t be fixed by a trip to your favorite Chinese restaurant and Wal-Mart.


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