(Disclaimer-Neither The Prozac Queen nor her ‘subjects’ are to be held responsible for any asthma attacks suffered/deadly sins committed/computer keyboards damaged that result from reading this post. Drool at your own risk.)
I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while now, but I didn’t know if it would be weird for me to write about a TV show without having a purpose other than for my own entertainment. I’m not sure why, but the phrases ‘creepy stalker’ and ‘desperately needs a life‘ come to mind.:) I love to read reviews online, but most of those appear in ‘zines’ with people whose jobs are to watch TV and comment on it. In other words, people who get paid to do what I do for free. I’ve now read other people’s ‘personal reviews’ and I figured, what the heck. It’s not like anything I say will (or should) be taken seriously. So, here goes.
Despite the fact that I have about as much fashion sense as a turnip, I love watching Project Runway. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a reality show on Lifetime where a group of fashion designers complete weekly challenges for a chance to show at Fashion Week and all kinds of other awesome prizes. I especially like the ‘Unconventional Challenges’ where they make dresses out of corn husks and stuff they found in a pet store! There’s also the one where they had to talk people out of their clothes (hmm, shouldn’t we at least wait until the third date for that?) to use in their projects. I haven’t seen every season, but that’s what the internet is for. So you know what I’m talking about, here’s a link to the show’s site-http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway
There’s also the ‘All Stars’ show where they bring back designers from previous seasons to compete all over again. http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway-all-stars
Heidi Klum is the host…she’s pretty nice, but I love Tim Gunn, who serves as a sort of ‘mentor’ to the designers. He’s so classy-he has a way of telling it like it is without making you feel like a squashed bug. He would be so much fun to hang out with but, seeing as I’m a nobody, that’s about as likely to happen as my cats are to follow instructions. In other words, never. Oh well.
Like most other reality shows, half of the draw is the level of attractiveness of the contestants. However, since Lifetime caters to women, any and all ‘eye candy’ I notice is of the male variety. Finally, something just for us!
Now, some of you are probably asking, “Wait a sec…aren’t all these guys gay?” My answer to that is, “And? Your point is?” I don’t know, and I don’t care. Gay, straight, bi, tri…it doesn’t matter. Hotness is hotness. It doesn’t matter anyway; the closest any of us will probably get to them is licking the computer screen.* Oh, well.
In that vein, I’ve come up with the Project Runway Swimsuit Calendar. Well, not really, but here are my ‘nominees’, in no particular order.
Oh, and, they’ll be wearing clothes. Most of the time, anyway.
January- Kayne Gillaspie, Season 3. This beautiful man reminds me of one of my high-school boyfriends, only hotter and less annoying. Actually, it’s too bad he wasn’t my boyfriend-then maybe I wouldn’t have had to wear that God-awful peach potato sack to the prom. Oh well. I didn’t wear it for long anyway.
Just kidding, Ma. You can put the cattle prod away now.
Seriously…he says he has a tattoo and piercing below the waist. It’s times like this I wish I had X-ray vision.
Speaking of tattoos-
February-Fabio Costa,Season 10. Few men can carry off half of the stuff he wears. Hell, he’d probably still be drool-worthy if he were wearing nothing but Saran Wrap around…well, never mind. He has a friendly, sophisticated style and a personality to match. If we hadn’t met his boyfriend on the show, I’d suggest asking where else he’s had ink done…oh well.
He said his family is from Brazil. If this is what that country produces, I’m on the next flight.
March-Joshua McKinley,Season 9. Can I give this gorgeous man more than one month? Pleasepleasepleasepleaeplease? Because if those smooth, shapely arms are any indication of what the rest of him looks like, I’m going to need some time to recover! But then, he’s probably used to having women swoon over him, with that body and those gorgeous eyes of his. Wow.
Seriously, though-I do have to say that he can seem rather, um, intense. It could have just been editing, but he didn’t always come across as a very nice person. However, I think there’s a side to Joshua that didn’t come out enough during his season. Some things he’s said about his relatively-short life (esp. the loss of his mom) make me think there’s a lot more going on in his head than patterns and sequins. I’d just love to get up in there and walk around.
April-Suede, Season 5. Suede reminds me of what a friend of mine said about Lister on Red Dwarf-”he’s hot, but shouldn’t be.” Seriously, I don’t know what it is, but there is just something about him…maybe it’s the outrageous hair colors, the sense of confidence and fun he exudes or the fact that he sometimes refers to himself in the third person (okay, definitely not that :))…I’m not sure, but something about him just makes my heart go ‘a-twitter’. I’d tell you what else has that reaction, but there might be children present.
Seriously, I’ve always gone for the ‘different’ sort of guy-the kind of guy who dances with a broom at the prom or gets kicked out of McDonalds for playing in the “ball crawl”. He certainly looks the part.
May-Jerell Scott, Season 5. Jerell is the whole package-not only does he have an awesome smile and body, he’s a very intelligent guy. When he was a model (quelle surprise), he decided he’d rather make the things he wanted to wear than shell out the cash for the ‘name brands’. Considering that I’ve seen shoes that cost $500 that look like the ones in my closet I got for $20, I see his point.
He’s got that perfect amount of muscle tone-enough to see the definition, but not so much that he looks like a badly-inflated air mattress. He’s gorgeous, but doesn’t act like he knows it. Gotta love a guy like that.
June-Rami Kashou, Season 4. CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT YOUR SCREEN. This man is so effing hot that to do so might burn your retinas. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
But if you’re really a glutton for punishment, check out this aptly-titled video:
You know what I especially like about Rami? It’s not the muscles (although those are really nice too). It’s not his smile, his easy-going manner or the fact that he could show up at my door wearing a potato sack and I’d still have a heart attack. This man has some of the most nicely-toned skin I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if he shaves his body hair (I’ve know men who do) or if he’s just that smooth, but you just want to run your hands all over it. Beautiful, beautiful man.
July-Nick Verrios, Season 2. With his good looks and ‘draping’ style, this man is practically a travel brochure for Greece. Being the son of a Greek-American diplomat, he has a very exotic ‘vibe’ about him. His work is beautiful, but the most entertaining thing about him (in addition to that hot business partner of his) is his dry wit, regularly featured in his blog on the official Project Runway website. I dare you to get through just one post without laughing. It’s not possible, especially when he comments on Tim Gunn in shorts.
Apparently Tim has charms the rest of us aren’t privy to. Hmmm.
August-Mr. April and Mr. June together. I’ve got a couple of Speedos here with their names on them. They’ll probably need them, too, in this Georgia heat.
September-Jesse LeNoir, Season 7. Hell, even his name is sexy! Judging by some of his comments in the interview section, he’s also straight. Straight, but taken. Oh well. In addition to being a brilliant and self-taught designer, he’s also an actor. Hmm, I wonder if he’s ever done any ‘shirtless’ scenes? I’d say ‘nude scenes’, but I think his lady might have a problem with that.
Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?
October-Christopher Collins, Season 8. He has an amazing smile that lights up whatever room he’s in. Add that to his gorgeous eyes and fun personality, and you’ve got ‘the guy next door’. You know, the one you used to watch with binoculars and…okay, I’ll stop incriminating myself now.
He says he’d be a scuba instructor if he wasn’t a designer. Hmmm, I wonder if he’d give me a few lessons? Because he looks like the kind of guy who would look good wet. And shirtless. And pantless. And…Okay, on to November.
November-Christian Siriano, Season 4. This guy reminds me of my nephews. Now, before you try to look him up on Twitter saying, ‘Oooh, this random blogger nobody cares about called you a kid! Beat her up!”, let me explain. My nephews are six-year-old twins who have what have to be the most infectious smiles on the planet. See them smile, and you can’t help but smile yourself. Christian is the same way.
I’m not including him here as being jump-out-of-a-cake hot like Mr. March or Mr. June so much as being an interesting person. He comes off as cocky at first, but has a ‘fun’ side that comes out later. He has an amazing penchant for bright colors and, believe it or not, he’s designed some things for Payless Shoe Source! Most of his other stuff is very expensive, so it’s nice to see a top designer like him work on something us ‘regular people’ can actually afford.
December-Daniel Feld, Season 5. Okay, apparently I need to go back and watch season 5 all over again, because it seems that I’ve missed some of the most drool-worthy hunks of man out there. Daniel pulls off the ‘half-shaven’ look so well-’scruffy’ and ‘polished’ at the same time. What I find especially sweet is that, while he was in the competition, he fell in love with Wesley Nault, another contestant! Hmmm, two hotties for the price of one. Ladies, it’s our lucky day!
Dammit, I’ve run out of months. Oh, well. At least I get to see Mr. June in a Speedo. Suddenly all is right with the world.
You may commence drooling now.
*And before you ask, no, I haven’t done that. Too much dust.